Tuesday, October 26, 2004

So My Grandma Passed Away

So my grandmother passed away today. I hate to talk. I hate to talk on the phone. I don't want to go to a service right now (long story). But I want to say I love you Zela.

My grandmother was a trooper. She had two kids, one was my dad - who put her through the ringer, and one was down syndrome - which is a blessing -but don't let anyone kid you. It is hard hard work 24/7. In between it all she had to watch out over me.
My grandma taught me about family and kindness. About turning a blind eye when you needed to, but being there when you had to be.
When Mark died, my Grandma talked to me about losing her husband. Because she and her friends had talked about it. And, to her and the bible group, they didn't understand the gay thing, but they understood the loss thing. And she told me I would be okay. And we laughed because we both knew it sounded like a load of (in her words) horse shit.
When I meet Eddie, no one was happier than her. Well maybe me, but you know what I mean. She survived her husband and both kids. She even survived Ed's family :-). She was 93 years old, and I think she was ready to go. Everything was giving out on her. Her eyes, her hips (old and replaced), her ears.
But to the end she loved life. She loved seeing me, hearing about my trips and eating with Ed and I.
She never quite understood my traveling, but she knew I liked it. And so she liked to see places through my eyes.
I wouldn't be here without her. She saved me in a ton of tangible and intangible ways. When I was little and hid from the world, she made me stay in touch with my dad (when I lived with my mom) and my mom (when I lived with my dad). I remember that I would have nothing to write my mom (I was like 8) but she would help me to pick out Snoopy cartoons to draw and send to her. Family was important to her - even if she didn't understand how her son's had fallen apart.
I see my mom and my dad in me. I see their sense of fun and adventure. I see their drive. Of my grandmother I hope I have her grit and her outlook on life. And he smile when things go well.
I will miss her.
(no comments on this one - give your grandma a call)