Thursday, September 30, 2004
So back to men. I thought about why that dumb ass Bravo show works my nerves, and I have it figured out (was there a question). It is because men are sexy as do-ers, not as posers.
Even when do-ers pose (say Jeremy Bloom below), then they can be sexy. Jeremy Bloom is a World Champion Freestyle Skier, and (until the NCAA bounced him) a Punt Returner for Univ of Colorado. Hot.
This is a poster of posers. Not hot. Cute, granted, but not hot.
And the do-ers don't have to be buff, just do-ers. Guys who work for a living to support the family. That is why women are suckers for dads or men with puppies. Not only are they "doing" their normal job, they are taking on extra jobs. That is why the Fed Ex man is a turn on for some people.
So the Bravo show will get a tune in value, but then people will turn it off. Unless there is mean nasty back-stabbing. Because, while it is not pleasant, at least they are doing something.
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
So there is this ad on the radio. It sounds like bad breathy male porn. I say bad because a man should not try to be “breathy”. That slightly out of breath sound should always come from a woman. Breathy woman – hot. Breathy man – gross. And he talks quietly and sultry (which is implied from breathy) and he says, “Do you know the 3 most exciting words in the English language.” Given the way it was delivered, I was worried. See, not only was it breathy, he had a little lisp. Great, I thought, some bad homo ad. Immediately you assume it is I love you, but given the questioner, I was afraid we were going to skate on thin ice here. But no! Apparently the three most exciting words in the language are Walters Mercedes Benz. May I suggest that, a) they really aren’t all that exciting and b) if you are advertising for Walters Mercedes Benz you should really get someone who doesn’t have a lisp.
We aren’t pieces of meat!
Really, I am all for the objectification of men. I bow to no one in my enjoyment of a little nakidity. But really, isn’t Bravo going a little far. They are having “Manhunt, the Search for America’s Most Gorgeous Male Model.” And, in case you couldn’t figure out the target audience, when I right clicked the picture below to save it and share with you, it was titled “homo_promo3_ph.jpg”. Hummmm
Come on, don’t I feel fat enough?
1 – Do not put it on a Sentra. A princess would not drive a Sentra. I am not sure a princess would drive any Nissan – but definitely not a Sentra.
2 – If you are a princess that shops in the “big and tall” section of junior miss AND you are not tall, then dress appropriately. Most princesses would not be sitting in a Sentra, wearing a size 22 blue frilly baby-doll top.
3 – If you must drive a Sentra, wear a size 22 blue baby doll blouse and wait at the on-ramp light, then realize that other people will be next to you, taking a gander at the princess. Don’t pick your nose.
4 – If you must pick your nose (and sometimes you do), please do not shove it in to the knuckle, then remove your pudgy little finger at inspect it for boogers.
5 – If you must inspect it, do so from one angle, don’t turn it around in the light. It’s not a diamond.
6 – When complete, a princess would discretely put her hand below window level until the light turns green and she can dispose of it with no one watching. She would not flick it across the front seat to the passenger side of the car. Even if the car was a Sentra.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
But the weird thing was after the Jacquizi, he acted like a puppy for about 30 minutes. He was bouncy, and jumped around. He was playful and his joints felt better. Eddie played tug-of-war with him for a while (I took Ashford outside and we played fetch). He was like a kid again. It was cool.
He has slept pretty much since then, but it was a fun half hour.
He was also Manic-Depressive (since termed BiPolar - and over used). When he had a good day he was a bright, funny, smart guy. On a bad day he was a bastard.
When I wake up and have a bad morning driving to work - I worry that I have inherited this from him. It's one of those weird things that you can't diagnose yourself. So I have to hope that Ed doesn't get too annoyed with me and can point it out. I know that over the years I have annoyed enough friends with it.
Here is the odd thing, what if it gets worse as I get older? It's bad enough to have some great days and some lousy days now - but what if the lousy days get worse as I get older? How will I know.
I don't like things like that. And I figure it must be that with me know. I mean there is no possible way that Kerry and Bush are as big of idiots as I think. Can anyone really believe that Kerry and Bush are the best we can do? It must be me. I must be going crazy.
Monday, September 27, 2004
Thursday, September 23, 2004
So after a night on the train, two hours late to get to our hotel, we are greeted at 10:45 at the Clarion Inn and "Suites" by Robert.
Robert has been given the blue overcoat of shift supervisor. He is short-ish, seemingly well-muscled and a lot of queenie attitude. Not what you want after a trip on the train. His little hairs were slicked forward, and then turned up at the last minute. His little green thumb ring didn't match his little blue blazer. And he says to us, "Can I help you?"
"We have a reservation, Neppl."
With this, Robert does a slow, exaggerated turn to the clock - where it says 10:45. He arches one eyebrow and says, "Check in time is 3:oo."
"We were told it was possible to get an early check-in."
"It's possible...." he says and then waits a beat, "but not guaranteed." I see Ed's hands in front of the counter ball into fists - he unclenches them with work. Robert continues in his own sweet time, "Let me see."
Tick tick tick. I notice a moldy smell about the place. I notice that only one elevator is worked. I notice that we are in the "Theatre" district - which is Tucsonian for crappy part of town where the drunks piss on the sidewalk. Robert must notice Ed and I looking around. If we wait until 3PM, we will find a different hotel.
"Well," Robert says, snapping us back to his little reality, "You're lucky. Room 430."
I get Ed into the one working elevator before he physically assaults Robert. The elevator carpet is squishy with who knows what (actually the next day we saw multiple beers spilt on the carpet - so I guess we know what makes it squishy.
It is an 8 story hotel, but no one went above the 4th floor. I think it was condemned higher. It should have been condemned on the 4th floor too. The bathroom fan didn't work. No big deal, but it was right above the toilet, so as you stood there you could see into the dust and mold and varmits - while you were pee'ing. Pleasant.
Ed moved the washcloth to wash his face, and there was a hole in the counter, like someone had put a hammer through the countertop. The washcloths had cleverly covered it. and no one in this city would ever use a washcloth.
In the middle of the night both Ed and I had dreams about that ultra-violet investigation on 20/20 - and we just tried to ignore it.
In the middle of the night Ed got water from the ice bucket, and in the morning he went to get more, but notice a fuzzy thing in the bucket. He freaked out. I explained to him it was a lemon I had drunkenly put in the night before.
It wasn't a lemon, but I thought for a little while he might actually throw up if I didn't distract him. So harmless white lie to get us out of the hotel. Ka-reep-ee
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
However, let me say that it was interesting to go from Hong Kong to LA to the train so quickly. I handled it very well, until the next morning after coffee and a crappy Amtrak breakfast. We got back to our room, and the plastic bathroom and suddenly my insides exploded.
I went into the bathroom and proceed to make noises and smells that would kill small children and drawfs (little people - whatever). So as I am sitting in this tiny room, know that Ed and our neighbors could here everything - the porter knocks. "Going to clean up the room, "he says.
I yell to Ed "Noooo!", but the porter doesn't care. He has been doing this 32 years so don't worry. So I am in the crapper, in the throws of death, revisiting breakfast, Hong Kong and maybe Thailand and Eddie is trying to talk to the porter to give me a second to pull it together. Now I have the trots and I am trying to hurry. Eddie and I leave and the Porter makes up the room and we go to an empty room to wait.
I am embarrassed beyound belief. I mean, I know there isn't anything I can do about it. And better the porter than me or Ed. But still. I am afraid the old porter is going keel over. "Headline: 32 year veteran of the rails killed by smell from compartment E. Perpetrator still at large."
I gave him a $20 tip.
Monday, September 20, 2004
I haven't the time to really write it all down now, but I have put up the pictures and you may step through them with captions. I think I have set it so you no longer have to sign into Ofoto.
Just go to this site.
Just forshadowing here is a pic of us during the 88 minute rain delay.
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
We are great food onthe 28th floor, at the window overlooking the Hong Kong skyline across the bay. Hong Kong skyscrapers have "light shows"at night. I don't know how else to describe it. The enon aroud the buildings change colors, the windows make patterns (like running men or one building that scrolled "Welcome to Hong Kong" in English). One of hte very tall buildings even had lasers that shoot out across the sky. Since it hs been foggy and humid, it looked great.
Since we had both worked all day I did not feel guilty at all. It was a great night. I head back home today in about 7 hours. I am looking forward to going home.
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
But, while waiting, I found a picture of the house the American built in bangkok (I am pretty sure I let you know). This CIA (OSS at the time) guy fell in love with the people and architecture. He pulled 6 different local houses and combined them to build his house. It is very cool.
I also thought I would share one picture I pulled off the net of the Thailand royal Palace. It was started by Ram 1 - and occupied through Ram 6. Ram 4 (the one in the King and I) built part of it that is much more Westernized. FYI- The King and I is banned here, but everyone has seen a bootleg copy.
And I am funny. It didn't hit me when I joked a lot during the meeting and people laughed. I mean that is normal and not odd. But I am kind of a boss, so people laugh now a lot - even when they don't get my jokes.
Okay - so background - when I am around non-English speakers, I tend to talk differently. I talk a little slower, I use less vocabulary and try to use their adjective / noun / verb structure. So I actively try to change my style (actually the word "actively" may be pushing it - I change my style with very little effort, it kind of just happens). Well today I was discussing a Master Card initiative (stop snoring Eddie). Anyway, I want to say MC isusing a carrot and stick approach, but I realized that the colloquism wouldn't translate well. So I said push / pull and stammered for a while. Finally a woman from the Philippines said, "You mean incentive."
And I replied, "Right!!!! Thank you, I couldn't think of the word." I then looked at the Hong Kongers and said, "I wish English was my first language." They laughed and laughed, and one guy had a little coffee come through his nose, so I know it was really funny - they weren't just being polite. I mean politie is polite, but you don't push coffee through your nose just to be nice. Even in Hong Kong.
Monday, September 13, 2004
We meet all morning with the business - which was pretty cool. They have their act kind of together, but they are a slow moving team.
Then this afternoon Christina and I went to the Royal Palace - amazing. And the Jade Buddha - cool. IN the Jade Buddha temple there were probably 400 worshippers chanting and incense bringing. It was cool.
Then we went to the reclining Buddha. I don't know what I expected. I guess I expected a small version of the big one. I think this was the big one. The Buddha is laying in a huge temple. His head is propped up on an elbow (kind of like he is watching TV - but I doubt that was the inspiration), Fully standing I didn't reach the beginning of the crock of his elbow. He head was probably 80 feet above me. And the rest of him stretched the length of the temple. Amazing.
Then we went to Jim Thomson's House. I guess he was some American spy (trained as an architect) - turned silk manufacturer (really). He brought like 6 different traditional houses together and made one gorgeous tree house (all of the first floors are empty to be okay in the floods). It was beautiful.
The people are nice. The signs are unreadable - even more so that Japanese or Chinese to me. It seems like they must make sense -but the don't. I mean look at it sometime. It is dense.
I leave tomorrow AM for Hong Kong. bye.......
Sunday, September 12, 2004
Point 1) Thailand is not what I expected. That happens more and more the farther I get from places where Americans go. Most of Europe is great, and quite close to what I expect. India, Hong Kong and Manilia were like I expected. Indonesia and Argentina were surprises. Thailand falls in the later catagory. So far I have only been around the hotel in Bangkok, but it is interesting. It is more modern than I expected, yet still has elephants around. Wierd.
This is the tallest building in Bangkok and it is huge. There is an OPEN AIR restuarant on the top (about 87 floors).
The whole city isn't what I expected.
And - fyi- this morning's buffet. Kick ass. I had scrambled eggs with ham and cheese. Then noddles with chicken and fish balls, and a bunch of spices I put in. Then a bunch of fruit i have never seen. I think there were slices ofa huge mango, and some red on the outside black and white on the inside fruit. yummy.
Last night Christina and I had dinner at a faux Thai temple on the river - with dancers. It was great.
I took some pics from my room, but I don't think it iwll come out.
2) I am using a keyboard I cannot even look at. There are 4 characters on every button and they are hard to track. So forgive me if yo can't read this.
3) Why is it everything you hated when you were little you love now? Yesterday, after the freak flights, I got to my room and laid down ot take a nab. The bed was crisp and white, and hard with big pillows. I had a little orgasm just laying down. Don't even talk about BMs. My are fine - but I know many people who could a good BM right up there with a 4 course dinner. And reading until you fall asleep. When I was little, if I went to all the trouble to read, I wanted to finish the book, not fall alseep.
I still love to play inthe pool and I still love Margaritas (I had an odd childhood). And I no longer dread coming home and finding yet another new mother - but a lof of that may be due to the fact my dad has passed on to that combo wedding/divorce chapel in the sky.
Okay - I am oddly out of time (not out of time to talk, but turely not in the right timezone / space /mindset) and so I think I shall sign off with these words of wisdom.
Don't piss off your boyfriend - they are the best things ever. Well, him and the pups.
Saturday, September 11, 2004
Everything seemed to be going okay. "Seemed..." being the operative word. As we are lined up (LINED UP!) to board, they check our passports. Then they say. It will be about 10 minutes. Turns out the pilot fell ill.
Ten minutes pass and they annnounce the Pilot didn't just have "the trots" he has some intestinal thing and his on his way to the hospital. Then the played the game of expectations. "We have called Hong Kong". Well that can't be good news.
It turns out Hong Kong called the local backup pilot.
Picture this, at 1:30 on a Friday night, they called the back up pilot. Yea - turns out he has to ge ready (read sober up) and it will be 2 hours!
So Cathay had to reopen the business lounge (truly a hell hole in the best of times). So they run donw and open this midget sized business lounge- but they couldn't get the air conditioner back on. It has been humid in LA - the room quickly turns into a sweat box. I grabbed two Corona Lights and lead a rebellion when they didn't want to let us out with them. Bite me. You got a 747 worth of people piled into a tiny room without air. And you cannot exit the processing area. Everyone went home. There is no security to run you through the little scanner, no stores are open at 2:30AM - give me my Coronas and let me pass woman!
The flight itself was fine. I mean it's 13 hours in a tin can with a nice chair. It was as good as it could be. "13 hours, Scott? I though you said it was a 14 1/2 hour flight?"
Well it is normally, but get this - when they take off 2 1/2 hours late they only land 45 minutes late. Why don't you put in in 5th gear more often?
So we were suppose to land at 7:50 and our connecting flight to Bangkok was at 8:55 AM (it's Sunday here now). We plopped down and were in the terminal at 8:45. Plan to Bangkok - gone. There are over 20 connecting passengers, but the plane didn't wait. Instead they have booked us on a 12:05 flight to Bangkok on Thai Air. Whatever.
Christina (the girl I work with) through a hissy fit worthy of me and got us into the Cathay First Class lounge. Nice. I have had some great food. A good BM in a sound proof room. Some diet coke. And I found out the UCLA beat up on Illinois. Now I know, it's Illinois - but a win is a win is a win. And it is our first since last October - so go Bruins. And Michigan lost. And Wisconsin won (not a stirring victory over Ceaser's Palace High - but still a win is a win baby).
So soon I will march over to Thai Air and demand they put in my United Air Mileage number. Right after I grab another beer. And maybe some more dim sum. Okay and the bar-b-qued pork buns. Alright - just one more lunch, a BM and then I am really outta here.
Friday, September 10, 2004
To my surprise, it is free as it is under warranty. And, also to my surprise, I get a free loaner. So I got a Nissan Altima. It is a new one with only 700 miles. It is a grandpa car.
It isn’t that big, but it feels like a boat. It isn’t underpowered, but it feels like it most of the time – because you don’t slam a car like that up the hill. The seats are semi-reclined all the time. Ed and I took it to Prizzi’s (that gal says hi to Jo and Don – fyi), and we made raucous fun of the car.
I got up today and drove it to work. You know, on the commute, on city streets, in rush hour. I (ummh…), okay I’ll say it. I liked driving it. It was easy and relaxing. And, since you are in a comfortable car (any grandpa or father would be fine driving) you don’t mind the crazys so much.
I take it back this afternoon to retrieve my truck, and I will be happy to get it back (and hope they did not steal Puss N Boots from the dash) – but that car wasn’t all that bad.
Shudda up wipersnapper.
Thursday, September 09, 2004
Take this page from MSNBC....
Here is a bigger picture. frontMSNBC.jpg The problem is that the headline, the big giant picture headline is about what did or did not happen in the National Guard 35 years ago. What is the most they can prove? Bush is a liar (or truth stretcher)? Is there anyone in the country that hasn't already internalized this? I mean we accept it or we don't or we decide we don't care - but everyone knows it.
But then, what is the small crawl notes.
Hummm... Let's see.
- A New Bombing in Indonesia - well shit, that ain't important
- Health Care Premiums jump 11 1/2 % - Well, those old coots on Medicare can afford it.
- Genocide in Sudan - Sudan - is there oil there?
Nin. com. poop. er. y
Not thinking, I answered honestly, "No. Not really."
Ed said, looking at the beautiful sunset, and the clouds rolling, "Look at that. It looks like rain."
I said (and here was my mistake), "It never looks like rain to me. I mean, all June there are clouds, it never rains. That looks like the on-shore flow to me." (FYI- the on-shore flow is when the clouds blow in from the ocean, and burn off early. On TV they used to have a cartoon picture of the waitress Flo - from Alice - sitting over the ocean - blowing at the land. But I digress.)
So I get to work, listen to my messages, go get coffee. Once again my little message light is blinking. 1 message. "Just wanted you to know, I got rained on - on my way to work." buzz.
Yes honey, it looks like rain. (I should have just agreed in the beginning.)
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
So there you go, once again we have no defense. But I am not ready to call for our coach's head, yet. The defense did some good things, and they are VERY young. No, instead I will offer an incentive. Yes Bruins, the spot of Mascot of the Month is the defense's for the asking in October. All you need to do is hold the rest of the teams in September to less points that you gifted Oklahoma State (31). We play Illinois, Washington and San Diego State, so that isn't impossible. The face of the defense, the captain. Let me look this up and see who it is. ...hmm... Spencer Havner.
So let's go defense.
As for other teams - yes the Badgers played very well (they played Central Florida High - they should have played well). But the amazing thing about the game was looking at the luxury suites at Camp Randall. They are way cool. You might not be able to see it from the picture below, but on the left side of the new luxury boxes is a suite with an outside porch. That is Barry's. Barry - by the by- is the athletic director and coach of the Wisconsin Badgers. He has brought them far - and has been rewarded. Nice....
As for other news, I am out of here on Friday night. I head off on another biz trip to Asia. This time to Bangkok, Hong Kong and Taipei. Back in 6 days.
Friday, September 03, 2004
At 1:24 AM I popped out of bed. I realized that I suddenly had the answer to a complexity question (and how our billing works). I could not get it out of my head.
Finally I got up, and wrote it down. I still couldn't sleep. I watched an hour of a Charlie Chan movie before I could not stop worrying about it and go back to sleep. I woke up a 6:24 this morning to come in (I am taking today off) and print out what I need.
So far I have gone through a ream of paper.
It was only made acceptable by the fact that when I got up (at 1:24), Ed had already been up and left himself a note about work. I saw it on the counter.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
Then he went even crazier in the post-convention interviews. I missed it. [Update: The Washington Monthly has a good round up of reviews. My favorite: the speech read better int he original German.]
Why, you ask. Well, first even if I was home I would have to be drunk and Ed would have to be restrained to let me watch the convention (Ed doesn't like it when I scream at the TV).
Second, Eddie and I were at the Hollywood Bowl with my boss and his wife. We had a really good time. One mistake, the wife had told us to bring 2 bottles of wine, and she would bring 2. On our way out the door, Ed said, "Oh, grab 1 more". And we started drinking with them at our house.
So the food was great (she made homemade pizza on fila dough, chicken skewers and asparagus, Ed brought desert), the music was great (jazz without too much dobbie do WAHHH do DA) and then about the 5th bottle of wine, Ed and I had to leave. Mind you, we were having fun, but if we didn't get out we would pass out.
One more thing, I think there is weird Hollywood Bowl Chi flow. When the opening to the box was above us, the bad Chi flowed down. But last night, the box entrance was below us, and the bad chi flowed out. It was much better. (That or it was the extra leg room as Ed and I hung our legs out of the box).
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
No, this month I project I will needed a calming influence - so the photographer of my office picture, Gergory Colbert is the mascot. Sorry Alexi.