And, her move to Montana was prompted (I had assumed) by a nice offer to get away from her other kids (If they don't move out - I'll move out).
Be that as it may. My mom has now fully embraced the Montana life style. she sent these jokes, which I was going to say were over the top. But on my way to work, I heard a woman in Topanga Canyon bitch that since they have been there and bought a million dollar house - she has had to worry about Fires, now maybe Mudslides. Sometimes it doesn't seem worth it. I have clue - Move! If you can afford to live in Topanga Canyon - you can afford to live somewhere else. Suddenly my mom's jokes hit a little closer to home. At least closer to the Canyon.
FOR ENTERING MONTANA
The following list of rules applies to each person as they enter Montana. Learn 'em and remember 'em.1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; They're called gravel roads. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are horses, cattle & oil wells, and that's what you smell. They smell like money to us. Don't like it? I-90 and I-94 go East & West, and I-15 goes North & South. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have quarter-million dollar air conditioned tractors that we drive 3 weeks a year, & a couple of $300,000 air conditioned combines that get about 10 days use each year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. . . . They're being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat Walleye and Trout. If you really want sushi & caviar they are available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That applies to everyone, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Either order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, & breads. We use three spices, salt, pepper and Alpine Touch.
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet & served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck and have long hair.
13. High School Football is as important here as the Vikings, Seahawks and Broncos, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Colleges? Try Montana State or the University of Montana. They come out of there with an education, plus a love for God and country.
15. We have more folks, per capita, in the Navy, Army, Marines and Air Force, than any other state. So don't mess with Montana. If you do it will get your butt kicked by some of the best.