Thursday, August 24, 2006

Just when the world gets to be too much...

Just when I can't take Bush anymore...
Just when I can't listen to Tom Cruise explain it was his idea...
Just when I think all the middle east is going to blow apart...

Then I read a funny in Salon Magazine. Here some people design their favorite SitCom...

Phil Rosenthal was creator/executive producer of "Everybody Loves Raymond." His
book, "You're Lucky You're Funny: How Life Becomes a Sitcom," comes out Oct. 23
(Viking).

Fade in:
An old-age home in the middle of Manhattan. There is no one under the age of 75 here. There is no one under the age of 60 working here. There are no young or pretty people anywhere to be seen. If there's a delivery man from outside, he's older than anyone in the home. The most beautiful girl onstage is Bella, an overweight 80-year-old with a bad eye and a walker.
Bella is currently talking to Max, another 80-year-old, as they eat lunch at the communal dining table.


Bella: Max, close your mouth when you eat, it's disgusting.
Max: (mouthful of food) What are you talking? I saw Bush the other day. You want to see a pig, there you go, with the chewing and the cursing. I think he called the Lebanese the word for poop. How does that help?
Bella: And this is the one representing us to the world. Uch, such an idiot. Marion! My egg salad has shells!
Marion, a black attendant, 68, sits behind Bella, reading People magazine.
Marion: It's damn egg salad. There's gonna be shells. If it was chicken salad, you could bitch. Look at Britney Spears running around all fat and naked, spillin' her baby on the sidewalk like a 50 cent cone.
Max: Britney Spears is what's wrong with America. She should be locked in a room with Bush. She can watch him talk and he can listen to her sing. (singing) "Oy, I did it again!" Throw in the girl from the hotel while you're at it, that stupid hoor.
Bella: The whole country is going to hell. We've been taken over by crooks and cheats and we deserve it. They rape us and we bend over so they can rape us the other way.
Marion: It's right here (pointing to article in People), global warming.
Max: I don't care about that as long as I have the air conditioner.
Bella: Close your mouth!
Max: (showing her food in mouth) I'm the president!
Bella:You say it like that's a big job. He's a puppet! A wooden head puppet! The other one runs the show. That Dick. Him and his dirty oil buddies -- they stole two elections, they start a war to make themselves money, the whole world sees it and where are we? We got our heads up our behinds and they'll kill us all, the greedy morons. Look at the size of this shell -- what is this, ostrich egg salad?
Marion:(reading) No gay weddings in New York.
Max: Tell that to Myron upstairs. He keeps practicing his walk in the aisle.
Myron: (sitting next to Max) I'm right here, you senile bastard. I'm not a gay!
Max: Then why are you always behind me?
Marion: There's nothing wrong with gay.
Max: I'm just sick of hearing about it all the time. There's other things to talk about. Every time I turn on anything ... gay.
Bella: I hear that Rumsfeld is gay.
Myron: I'm not surprised.
Marion: Him and Cheney?
Max: Probably. That's why they need the war and everything else ... see, we're machos ... look at our big things.
Myron: I heard he shot that guy in the face because he was going to tell.
Marion: No, that was just stupidity. Not gayness.
Max: Could be both.
Myron: Who do I have to sleep with to get a Jello over here?
Max: Stop looking at me, Rumsfeld!
Bella: Close your mouth when you chew! The country's gone to hell.