Pity poor Kim Jong Il. Rarely has a crazy ruthless bastard tried so hard to get the world’s attention to so little effect. In a rare scoop, Nincompoopery takes you inside the secret mountain hideaway to listen to a rant.
“Iraq, Iraq, Iraq! Nobody give shit about Iraq! Axis of Evil my ass. Iraq was the evil-LITE. The Diet Green Tea Snapple of Evil.
And now some congressman and 16 year old boy. That’s nothing! Nothing! Does no one remember I kidnapped Japanese all the time. Boys, girls, actresses, directors! I’ gonna steal me a page next. Then maybe Kim Jong Il get front page coverage.
And now bad dressing Iranian steals headlines. Iran is Years away from making bomb. YEARS. I know, I sold him defective missiles. But suddenly he’s all, ‘Oh, I going to blow Isreal off the map. Look at me. Look at me. I’m CRA-ZY. I wear a tan jacket all the time. Bogga bogga.’
What about Kim Jong Il? I been crazy so much longer than mister bad beard. My outfit is much crazier. You think I like wearing Dr. Evil’s rejected outfits? No, but it is part of Crazy 101.
Fine. I am going to my secret liare and I’m going test my bomb.”
