Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Roma: Cool ruins, ugly ugly grafiti on the rest of the town.
Vatican: Over le top
Siena:The best city in size and history and drama
Tuscany: A little too California brush to impress me
San Gillanino: A little sliceof Disneyland in Medival Mountains
Naples: Very cool, very local
Pompeii: It was great to see the ruins - but damn hot.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Well, we are on our way to Italy for 9 days. We are in Rome first fpr 3 days - and then at a great villa for a week with a bunch of friends. And I don't feel really bad for saying this, because you were all invited and you blew us off (Joc & Les, Jan & Herb, Gareth, and Brad to name but a few).
Oh, it will be great fun. But it would have been more fun if you were coming.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
So at SuperCuts they have this sign up... "Your cut is free if we don't ask you about Hair Product!"
FYI - I didn't come to be asked about hair product. Just cuz you tell someone your going to be rude, it doesn't mean you are not rude when you do it.
A month ago it was "Your cut is free if we don't ask you about color!"
And I was duly asked about color. I was asked if I wanted to cover up the grey by some crazy Russian Troll Doll with 10 stray hairs, 8 of them of the bright orange and 2 still reddish grey. She stated, quite correctly, that no one noticed her grey now. Honey, no one notices the sun when you are around. You are a walking talking tribute to a good idea gone terribly terribly wrong.
I am eagerly awaiting next month.. "Your cut free if we don't ask you about Mexican Timeshares!"
Monday, June 12, 2006
Dear Mrs. Fenton, Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.
15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse is shopping:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the"MissionImpossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
(And; last, but not least!)
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here"
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Has anyone else seen this? Oh my gawd. This was the Camp Classic of all time. My friend Gavin did not hate it. One wonders what Gavin took that made him so.. delusional.
As Ed said, Tom Hanks might have as well been talking to a Basketball for all the emotion he shows.
Of course you can't blame him, he was playing opposite Pepi La Peuw. Trust me, I get the idea of casting a French Woman as a French Woman, but could we not find one that spoke just a leetla of zee En-goo-leach. Chi waz zo un-ba-leeve-able - ii wiw ze acccanse.
How do you make such an exciting book into such a boring, pretentious movie? Didn't Oppie have any fun as a kid? Cuz he is not having it now.
I did, just barely, hold back from making fun of the movie during it. Although Ed did announce loudly, "We can go at any time." about an hour into it. I would have too if I knew there was 3 hours to go.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
You are thinking, "Come on... When are you going to rip Ann Coulter a new asshole? She said that she has never seen people enjoying their widow hood so much. She said how do we know their husbands weren't going to divorce these harpies."
Mais non! I see you reason to give the Barbara Bitch Android one more second of publicity. If I did, you might buy (or at least browse) her book to see what the hu-bub was about. I'll tell you what it is about. It is a sick, disgusting, perverted ploy to get her name in the headlines to sell more copies of her new book.
The fascist bitch (she used to be the "hot republican babe" ..oh so many wrinkles ago) has crossed the line so far previously that people treated her like a clown. A wind-up doll. left over on the kid's floor they have outgrown - spouting claptrap as her string was pulled ("Joe McCarthy was right about the commies." "We should go over there, bomb them to kingdom come and covert the survivors to Christianity." "I don't dye my hair."). People treated her as one would a kindly old uncle who was out of touch with the world.
But Ann is the she-devil that will not be ignored. Okay - to make headlines she has to attack 9/11 widows. Apparently in order to make a buck, that is no problem.
But I refuse to fall into the trap. I refuse to get excited by the dried up sack of bones. To her I say only this... See You Next Tuesday.
So, since I have told everyone at work that I am going to move to New York, they moved me out of my office. No biggie.
They gave me a cube upstairs to work in as my temp office whenever I am here. Fine.
Yesterday this guy, Mike, comes over from a cube on the other side of me. He is new from New York and is in the office like 3 days a week. And, clearly, we are next to each other so he wanted to say hello. We chat - politely and I say "Well, if I am every too loud please let me know. My voice tends to carry."
He says, "Oh! I know that!"
That can't be good.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Rober Kovac from Croatia. They have the cool checked uniforms.
Okay, I refused to rise to take the bait about why homos shouldn't be married this time. I know it is a sad, pathetic ploy but the Republicans to throw red meat at the base. Sure in this case the "red meat" is the horrific specter of Ed and I in tuxes - but .. whatever.
The I saw this quote from the Louisiana Senator Vitters "I don't believe there is any issue more important than this one."
Uhhh... maybe his Louisiana constituents might, maybe, perhaps think that hurricane cleanup is more important? Maybe rebuilding the levees? Maybe clearing debris 9 months after the hurricane?
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
So today, in addition to taking Trevor to the Ranch, I took the two old pups to get gromed. Ashford was okay, but Hastings could not walk this morning (he goes through that on slick floors sometimes).
So I tell them he has problems walking sometimes. Well, when they clipped him the found that because he back legs don't always work, sometimes he pees on his back leg. So, to be good gromers, they shaved his legs as well as his back.
He looks a little pathetic. A little like the shaved sheep from Bounding.
Trevor has to go into boarding school today. He goes in a week before we leave for Italy so that his 3 weeks of training coincides with out vacation. So far so good.
But it is killing me. He doesn't want to go in. Since Ed is in New York he has been very clingy to me. I am having the horrible guilt.
I mean, he needs the training, don't get me wrong - but it is hard.
Boo De Hoo
Monday, June 05, 2006
Hello Boys and Girls,
Today we are going to learn a new word... DIVERT - as in DIVERT attention from a problem.
Let's say that there is something you don't want your parents to notice. Like you accidentally scraped their car with your bike, or you laughed so hard you pottied in your pants, or you invaded a country and now the whole war thing is going in the pooper.
If you don't want your parents to notice, then you "DIVERT" their attention. That means focus it somewhere else. Here are some good diversions;
Tell Daddy that your big brother took the car out last Saturday after everyone was asleep. He won't even notice the scrap on the car from your handlebars.
Tell mommy that you saw Daddy touch the Babysitter's who-hah. She won't care about the mess in YOUR pants then.
Tell mommy and daddy that Uncle Bruce and his friend want to get married. They won't care about some dumb old war that is going horribly horribly wrong if they think Bruce and his friend are up to no good.
Remember, it isn't a lie if you don't bring it up.