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See, that’s the point. Neither of us gives a big hairy fart this year. The movies were a cornucopia of mediocrity. Not bad, just not exciting. If this was 1976ish (the year Star Wars got a nomination) then at least I could be excited and hope the Casino Royal gets a nod. But the Academy has grown even more staid, old and dull – if that were possible.
In 1939 movies didn’t have to be box office duds to be nominated:
1939 Best Picture nominees
Dark Victory
Gone with the Wind <- #1 Gross in 39 Goodbye, Mr. Chips
Love Affair
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington <- #3 Gross in 39 Ninotchka
Of Mice and Men
Stagecoach
The Wizard of Oz <- #4 Gross in 39
Wuthering Heights
They were big money makers. Of the top 5 that yea 1, 3 and 4 were nominated (missing was #2, Hunchback of Notre Dame and #5 Jesse James.
And don’t tell me they were all serious and staid. Have you seen Gone with the Wind? Viviane Lee chewed so much scenery in that movie it is amazing the staircase was left standing.
So what are we left with this year?
Babel: A well-conceived puzzle of interconnectivity. Yes, I get it, if a butterfly flaps his wings in Morocco a hurricane can rise in Mexico. But only if the butterfly is as pretty as Brad Pitt.
The Queen: Give Helen Miriam the Oscar already. Gez, everyone loved her in Prime Suspect on PBS, do we have to watch her clench her ass checks on the big screen too?
Letters from Iwo Jima: We get it. Japanese died too. Clint Eastwood is old. But he road that sad old "I'm going to die any minute" horse to the Award with that bad chick boxer movie (Million Dollar Baby). Remember that, Million Dollar Baby? It WON the Oscar that year! Oh yea, that's going to look good 10 years from now. The fight book-end movies, Raging Bull and Raging Bitch. Only he gets fat and she dies. Boo de hoo de.
Apocalypto: Too late Mel. Last year when the Academy got all icky from two guys kissing, then your testosterone bloated, look-at-the-size-of-my-dick, craptacular may have had a shot. Sorry sugar tits.
Little Miss Sunshine: Quirky for quirky sake is annoying – end of story.
The Departed: Just give Scorsese the damn award already so he will stop having to up the ante in blood, guts and making fun to watch guys (Leo and Matt) unwatchable in the name of ART.
bleh
They were big money makers. Of the top 5 that yea 1, 3 and 4 were nominated (missing was #2, Hunchback of Notre Dame and #5 Jesse James.
And don’t tell me they were all serious and staid. Have you seen Gone with the Wind? Viviane Lee chewed so much scenery in that movie it is amazing the staircase was left standing.
So what are we left with this year?
Babel: A well-conceived puzzle of interconnectivity. Yes, I get it, if a butterfly flaps his wings in Morocco a hurricane can rise in Mexico. But only if the butterfly is as pretty as Brad Pitt.
The Queen: Give Helen Miriam the Oscar already. Gez, everyone loved her in Prime Suspect on PBS, do we have to watch her clench her ass checks on the big screen too?
Letters from Iwo Jima: We get it. Japanese died too. Clint Eastwood is old. But he road that sad old "I'm going to die any minute" horse to the Award with that bad chick boxer movie (Million Dollar Baby). Remember that, Million Dollar Baby? It WON the Oscar that year! Oh yea, that's going to look good 10 years from now. The fight book-end movies, Raging Bull and Raging Bitch. Only he gets fat and she dies. Boo de hoo de.
Apocalypto: Too late Mel. Last year when the Academy got all icky from two guys kissing, then your testosterone bloated, look-at-the-size-of-my-dick, craptacular may have had a shot. Sorry sugar tits.
Little Miss Sunshine: Quirky for quirky sake is annoying – end of story.
The Departed: Just give Scorsese the damn award already so he will stop having to up the ante in blood, guts and making fun to watch guys (Leo and Matt) unwatchable in the name of ART.
bleh
But what would happen if an ugly butterfly flapped it's wings?
And somebody spray a freaking tan on Cate Blanchett. She is from Australia for god's sakes. She looks like Casper's hot aunt.