Wednesday, September 02, 2009

The Old Staples


One forgets, over time, about the simple pleasures. In looking for quotes this morning, I was reminded - once again - of an old friend, Fran Lebowitz.
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I used to read her voraciously...
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I shall post a sub-set of quotes here that bring a smile back to my little chubby face...
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All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. Fran Lebowitz
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. Fran Lebowitz
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Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. Fran Lebowitz
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Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football. Fran Lebowitz
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Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq. Fran Lebowitz
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Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. Fran Lebowitz
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Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully. Fran Lebowitz
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Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won't feel like watching. Fran Lebowitz
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Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add. Fran Lebowitz
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail. Fran Lebowitz
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My favorite animal is steak. Fran Lebowitz
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Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs. Fran Lebowitz

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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink. Fran Lebowitz
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To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel. Fran Lebowitz
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Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. Fran Lebowitz
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You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do. Fran Lebowitz