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While you guys and gals (oh sorry) guys put on a good show, the locked doors and white smoke is a little to 1300's, don't you think? It's time to hip it up kids. Time to put the Inquisition, Support of the Axis Powers and the whole child molestation thing behind you.
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In short..
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Time to ReBrand!!!
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Let's start by trying to look a little less like Darth Vader at the all you can eat buffet. How's that? Okay? On to the whole "election" thing.
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You're the Catholic Church for goodness sake! You were the original glam. That whole "locked in a room" thing is too cage-fighty now.
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Idea 1) Look, these guys are just waiting to judge. Give them a contest! Once you narrow down the field to 12 (Miss USA uses 15, but I think that is mainly for the skin in swimsuits), broadcast it! You already have the Evening Gowns, just add poise and the question and answer section.
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Let's face it, having more of the runner ups ready for questions and answers is always a good idea, n'est pas?
Idea 2) It's the 2000's baby. I got 1 word - Synergy! Start putting your up and comers onto other shows. Get them ready for the big time and see how they do under pressure. The product placement here with "Project Runway" was great. Great! Now do more.
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I see wonderful opportunities to console losers on America's Top Model & American Idol! This allows you to get back into the "emotional support" space without the pesky side effect of underage console-ees.
Idea 3) Look to a break out star on your B Team. Look EVERYONE loves an underdog and a come from no where story. Sure Cardinal Ratzenberg moved up the totem pole and earned his stripes, but where did that really get you? An infallible ex-Nazi Youth member that approved moving child molesting priests to other parishes... not your best work. You've been through some tough times. Reach deep onto your bench.
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You know where Kurt Warner was before his first Super Bowl? Stocking groceries! Even people that don't watch football loved that story.
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Who did James Cameron chose to star in Avatar? Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, Matt Damon? No, Sam Worthington, a hunk with no name he could rebrand totally. Don't you have a straight humpy Italian Priest with no paper trail back there somewhere? That's a Pope people could get behind!
Idea 4) If you insist on the Conclave of Cardinals (and we all know how stubborn you are), during the Conclave give a show. Keep us entertained. You know what we see now, endless shots of the smokestack and a bunch of tourists bitching about how long they have been standing there.
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How's this "Vatican Cribs!" Look, you got the house, you got the bling, baby show it off! No one's jealous anymore. There are suites in Vegas with bowling alleys, you CAN NOT go to over the top.
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Consider these free advice. if you like what you hear and you want some more ideas, I consult extremely reasonably.