Wednesday, March 21, 2012

What If Romney Wins


Now this whole election thing is mostly wrapped up for Mittens, it is time to question what kind of America this self-proclaimed Business Man with a Business Solutions for the country.  He has a successful history at Bain Capital – if you judge based on value to shareholders.
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So what does Romney’s USA look like?
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I am guessing that we start by combining business units.  
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Of course, since the Senate apportions on statehood, and he has to depend on Republican States - I expect the business units of Delaware and Maryland to be the first combination- MaryDel – with DC thrown in as well.  New England should be another single choice, but Mittens has houses in both New Hampshire and Massachusetts, so expect a New England North (with Vermont, New Hampshire and Maine) and a New England South (with Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Connecticut).  That takes the state count down to 45.
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By selling underperforming Hawaii, he raises cash and drops out another blue state.
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He’s already said that he would let the auto manufacturing and related industries go broke, so outsourcing Michigan is an no brainer.  Bids from South Korea, Japan are expected, but there has been some recent interest by China.  Money raised would go to his share holders (to date $3 Million from the Arkansas Swift Boat Truther and ~$250 Million to various other Wall Street backers).
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Guam has a very large Mormon population, so he will promote Guam to statehood (a guy’s got to tithe).
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Immigration would be revamped, allowing full migration for workers that are exempted from the minimum wage.  And Mormons.
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Retroactive Baptisms will be done for all Americans without a will, and the Mormon Church will get 10%.  FYI - it’s not a “death tax”, it is “Heaven Insurance”.
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Gay Marriage won’t be touched, per say – but all states with Gay Marriage will be re-organized and new management appointed.  (previously noted state re-ogranization already reduces the number of states allowing this blasphemy from 8 (+DC)  to 6 ). 
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California and Florida will be reorganized and leveraged against their un-utilized off-shore oil deposits.
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There are 58 current national parks – of which 5.8 will be turned over to the Mormon church: the five in Utah, plus1 to be named later.
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Medical Marijuana users will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.  Sister wife users – not so much.
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And poor Ann Romeny can finally buy a Lexus.
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Tim Tebow gets to be the player / coach of the expansion Salt Lake City Four Horsemen (he's already be retroactively baptized a Mormon).

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