Saturday, September 01, 2012

Mascot of the Month: Ryan Lochte

The Ryan we were sold
"What!" you say.  "Ryan Lochte is your mascot of the month?  Dude, get over his abs."
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No, I tell you.  Ryan Lochte is the perfect Mascot of the Month.  He personifies the American Dream, with hard work, dedication and dozen cocktails or bong hits (depending of if he is being drug tested) - he has built up a brand.
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He is treading the road previously reserved for bimbos like Paris Hilton, Kim Kardasian and Angeline.  Except he really does have a talent.  He swims amazing, with a minor in parties like a champ.  And he is cashing in while those abs are still there.
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What amazes me is transformation.  Before the Olympics we were sold the Golden Boy, model and all around perfect specimen.  Even to the cover of vogue.
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Pre-Olympics American Hero

Then came the Olympics - and we heard him speak.
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But he still swam great. He raced hard and won a lot.  Overshadowed by Phelps - but it didn't seem to bug him.
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Post Olympics
Then he partied.  Hard.
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In case you don't know, this is the true American dream for most 14 - 19 year old boys.  Win gold medals, get high and get laid.
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I'm not proud of it, but it's true.  Good for you Ryan!  You are both an idol and a warning to the youth of America.  A "after" picture of drunken shenanigans that every mom will point out - and dad will agree, but while secretly giving Ryan a mental high five.
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We would NEVER want our sons to be Ryan Lochte.  But if we could be him for 5 days - oh baby the times we would have!
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Just Having Fun
Does he look like a tool?  Hell yes, but later he partied with Price Harry -
AND Ryan wasn't the one with nudie pictures in a suite.
AND - any hetro guy will notice how the girl in the leopard print top is staring at those white shorts.

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