Wednesday, October 03, 2012

You can be against Gay Marriage and NOT be a Homophobe

The argument for Gay Marriage, in my mind, is fairly simple.  There are lots (over 1,700) legal benefits of married couples that cannot be duplicated by any other contract or contracts.  These are as critical as medical visitation and decision making and as minor as going through immigration together.  I do NOT think there is any argument for forcing any church to perform Gay Marriages - it is the civil legal system where the unfairness lies.
There are arguments against Gay Marriage; I don't think they are valid, but there are arguments.  Primarily these revolve around children needing a mother and father.  Of course this argument supposes that a) Gay Families will magically disappear if you outlaw Gay Marriage - which we know isn't true and b) that if Gay Marriage is outlawed all children will grow up in a two parent household.  Well, Gay Marriage wasn't legal when I was growing up - and the number of kids in Southern California in the 70's that had their original Mom and Dad in the house was some number much lower than 66%.
For me, a two parent loving family deserves legal protection for the kids, regardless if the parents are gay or straight.
But that isn't the point of this post.  The point is that often, in the heat of the moment, some people against gay marriage are assumed to be homophobes - that is, that they hate gay people.  As your friendly neighborhood gay person, let me say - we know that isn't true.  You can disagree with gay marriage and not be a homophobe.  Hell, you can think gay sex is icky - and NOT be a homophobe.
Over time, the percent of people that believe gay marriage is okay has gone up and gone up quickly.  All those people didn't suddenly become "non-homophobic" overnight.  My guess is that most people who don't approve of gay marriage think they have valid reasons - just like I think I have valid reasons why gay people should be allowed to marry their partners.
So, you should know that most of us gays don't think everyone who votes to deny us equal rights is a homophobe.  We might think you are wrong, and we (your family and friends) will be terrifically disappointed that you don't think we are worthy of civil legal protection.  But we know that doesn't mean you hate us.  We may not understand your rational, but it isn't normally grounded in hate.

1 comment:

ET in Wisconsin said...

My two cents:

If someone is a non-homophobe and yet still against your right to marry and enjoy civil legal protections, then they are just mean, ignorant, a jerk, or all of the forementioned.

So my bottom line is this....just because someone isn't a card carrying homophobe and they appear to be "OK with the gays" doesn't that it is OK for them to be a general jerk denying you civil legal protections. In my opinion it's not nice to be a jerk. As ET put it, "Be good."

So I'll still challenge their thinking. That's what supporters and allies do.