As a Amazon Prime member, I get the daily deals list for Kindle books. I often use them. Today a book came with a cover I just had to investigate.
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The cover needs no fixing; Our heroine, young Elizabeth, is leaning against a young strappin' tree of a certain girth, fanning herself - as the irascible Lord Charles Lufford looks on. Politely holding a hat to hide his throbbing man-hood, which is afixin' to burst out of its cotton confinement.
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For no reason what so ever, I decided to read the blurb. And I have figured out a way to completely fix it.
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First. The original....
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Elizabeth's plan succeeded swimmingly, as she flirted with everyone with the exception of the arrogant Lord Charles Lufford, who was considered by those in the know to be quite a catch. She ignored Charles thoroughly until her uncle discovered her deception and it was, of all people, Charles who saved her - by announcing their engagement!
But Elizabeth's troubles were far from over. In her absence she had come into an inheritance and her uncle, along with another sinister party, would rather see her dead than receive.
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Let us not dwell on M.C.Beaton's run on sentences and happenstance use of punctuation (glass houses and all...).
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No - here is the problem. This parable of love and lust in the antebellum south needs to be spoken with a south southern drawl. Like Scarlett O'Hara, or Senator Lindsey Graham. Like this...
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My oh my, how tongues were set awaggin' when Elizabeth Markham's glamorous young parents were killed, leaving their only child orphaned. And then, horrors, to be raised by an unspeakable class of poor relation. Forced to live with her cruel, miserly uncle Julius, with only her personal slave in attendance, poor Elizabeth was forbidden even to participate in the season's festivities; the apple bob, the bar-b-que, the lynchings - why it was more than she could take.
After more than a week in the heartless, cold home of her closeted-Yankee Uncle, Elizabeth realized that marriage was her only escape. She was after all, a budding beauty of 16 - almost a spinster. Miss Elizabeth decided on a daring plan: she would trick her way into the Duke of Dunster's exclusive house party. There, her delicate fan and ample dewy bosom on display, she would surely snare one of the eligible bachelors. They would as happy to dance with her as Prissy was to bring her her morning Mint Julip.
Miss Elizabeth's plan succeeded swimmingly, as she flirted with everyone, like a common strumpet. She flirted with everyone, that is except the arrogant Lord Charles Lufford, who was considered by those in the know to be quite a catch. She ignored Charles thoroughly - she hadn't watch Gone With The Wind 20 times for nuttin'. Yes she ignored that dastardly Rhett Butler until her uncle discovered her deception and it was, of all people, Charles who saved her - by announcing their engagement! She swooned!
But Elizabeth's troubles were far from over. Surprisingly, a unexpected announcement of engagement by a man she had never spoken to, did not clear up all of her problems. Mercy, what more does a girl have to do? In her absence she had come into an inheritance and her uncle, along with another sinister party, would rather see her dead than receive it. Bad luck really.
Why oh why, it is near to impossible to life your simple as a rich southern new bride (with a fabulous bosom), married to a man you hardly know, running from a unspeakable class of money-grubbing Uncle Orange Julis. Prissy - cocktails in the music room, now!