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A female co-worker takes to the net to try to nip this practice in the bud. I quote some fun paragraphs - but leave you to read the rest (if you dare....)
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Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of Internet stalking have rendered many of these communications moot. (Though I will miss that old midnight land-line call from someone whose name I barely remember!) It's hard to object to someone who simply communes with your virtual proxy. The worst Internet crimes -- like, say, breaking up with someone by changing your Facebook status -- seem happily confined to the young. (Like!).
But that all may be changing. Andrew Cohen's, "On Her Wedding Day, Saying the Things Left Unsaid," seems to indicate the start of a new and highly risky technology-enabled post-break-up recapitulation ritual that I'd like to nip in the bud if I can.
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A brief bit of Mars/Venus wisdom: One of the great frustrations, for women, is how often displays of post-parting passion have nothing to do with us at all. (Check out Jezebel's "Crap Email From a Dude" feature for some stunning examples.) It's already annoying that someone who reserved the right to be numbingly uncommunicative during the relationship is now such a freakin' Chatty Cathy. But once you realize all this impressive agony you've left behind (scorched earth, my friend! Barren promontories!) doesn't actually have anything to do with you, it makes it hard to hand over your hanky -- especially when you're trying to hold on to your bouquet.
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STILL. I'd like to think Andrew Cohen meant well. Yes, publishing an unauthorized account of one's regard for a past love on a Web site is ill-advised. Yes, publishing, on her wedding day, a rundown that frames the lady's virtues almost entirely by how well she treated you falls somewhere between inconsiderate and catastrophically narcissistic. (But much better than that man I dated for three weeks who broke into my neighbor's yard, climbed up the fire escape, then banged on the window until I let him in. Of course, then I had the advantage of being able to call the police.) I've also enjoyed a bunch of very nice communications from exes, and feel qualified to present a definitive "Don't" guide here for any gentleman who really wants to make his ex know how appreciated she was. (And yes. Avoid fire escapes.)