Thursday, September 26, 2013

If Only There was a Plop Plop Fizz Fizz for National Nincompoopery

If only there was a “plop plop, fizz fizz” for idiots.  And in September, Idiocy, thy name is Republicans.
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Let us count the ways, shall we.   (Note - LINKS are listed because some of this is so asinine you wouldn't believe me without back up.)
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First President Obama painted himself into a corner on Syria, defining a red line then dithering over how to implement it.  Ultimately he went to Congress, which was (and rightly so) called out as an act of desperation.  
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But Republicans, eager to twist the knife, couldn’t decide how to do it.  Should they attack from the right (“Obama is weak by coming to Congress”) or the isolationist left (“Obama is a dictator by committing to war”). 

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Ultimately they decided to do both; with the McCain / King contingent going beating chest crazy and the Paul / Cruz group going ostrich head in the sand crazy.  The Crazy Kremlin President, Putin, actually proved more helpful than our elected representatives.  And nicer! – his single snotty Op Ed  was a veritable whisper compared to the reams of feces throwing by the right wing monkeys.
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And what of Obamacare, which kicks in next month? Well the Republicans voted in the House to defund it (votes 41 and 42 on the subject this year – both as useless as ever).  
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Republicans launched a weirdly creepy series of anti-Obamacare ads urging young people NOT to get health care.  The highlight was a Gioant Uncle Sam puppet head giving a gyno examine. (don't worry there is a prostrate exam one  too - Republicans have a fascination with anal intrusion and Obama - don't get me started). 
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And Senator Ted Cruz staged a 21 hour talk-a-thon, which wasn’t a filibuster because no vote was contingent on it.  He said he would talk until they carried him out to silence him, but then refused the extra time Senate leader Harry Reid offered him because – well he had interviews to give about how Democrats wouldn't let him talk.
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If you are not from America you might ask what this is about.  
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I will explain but you would swear I am making it up.  The Republicans object to provision that prevent health insurers from covering everyone (regardless of pre-existing conditions), keeping university students on their parents coverage until age 26, and lowering self-purchased coverage. 
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Now, to pay for this, they require everyone to have health insurance, since hospitals must provide health care to everyone regardless of coverage.  Republicans are trying to torpedo it by encourage young people not to sign up, therefor bankrupting the system (although the system is backed by the United States Government, so they are encouraging – well who the fuck knows...  They are just mad as hornets).  Does it effect those people who have health insurance now?  No.  Nothing changes if you have health insurance or Medicare – which is why Republicans – the party of the white and well off – object to any help of anyone who is not them.
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The new President of Iran is speaking reasonably any responsibly – and so Republicans are responding in a like manner – reasonable and measured.  
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Psych!  First person to find an elected officials on the House or Senate that has a measured reasonable response (in full –not just the sound bite) wins a unicorn.  
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Actually on this, both the Republicans AND the Democrats are nuts.  The Republicans because of the daffy Tea Party and the Democrats out of a deep seated fear of appearing soft when it comes to Israel’s security.
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The new Pope came out and said the church should start focusing more on serving the people and the poor than spouting right wing talking points (I love Pope Francis).  
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Peter LaBarbera - Republican crazy President of Americans For Truth About Homosexuality (and frequent right wing evangelical speaker)- understands why: According to LaBarbera,  “Satan’s earthly minions” concocted a plan to bring gay men into the priesthood so they can “seduce and molest” boys in order to discredit and weaken the Church’s authority to condemn homosexuality. LaBarbera now fears that the Pope is giving ammunition to “pro-homosexuality and pro-abortion militants” to further their goal of bringing “corruption and destruction to many institutions.”LINK
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E. W. Jackson, Official Republican Candidate for Lt. Governor in Virginia this November lashed out at the Pope, proclaiming that he knows more about how awful gays are than the Pope and he was called by God to run for Lt. Governor.  LINK
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Anything else Scott?  These are a little mundane.”  Yes, international relations and health care for the uninsured and some foreigner with a big miter - they are not something that we really care about.  Let’s see.  
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Deadbeats
Well... the Republicans cut $40 Billion out of Food Stamps (money for the working poor that is only allowed to be used for food) to save money.  Of course they raised Agri-business subsidies by over $100 Billion, so that money (which goes to corporations and corporate farmers) had to come from somewhere.  
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A Republican (Ken Blackwell of Ohio) says “nothing more Christian” than “not locking people into a permanent dependency on government handouts, but making sure they are participants in their own upliftment and empowerment so that they in fact through the dignity of work and can break from the plantation of big government.” LINK  So not feeding the poor is like being a good Christian and freeing the slaves.
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And remember last year when the Republicans in the House complained that the Senate hadn’t passed a Budget in 4 years because they were afraid to go on record on their spending – well in answer the Senate promptly passed a budget.  But the House won’t pass a budget now because – HONESTLY – they are afraid that when the 2 different budgets go to committee, they were will be a conference and they might have to compromise – like the Constitution says.  So they haven’t bitched about that in a few months. LINK
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Now NSA can spy on you via your computer, your phone, and your email.  They can lock you up, keep you off a plane and detain you without charges if you are an enemy combatant or possible terrorist.  
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However we can all feel safe... because even if you are on the terrorist watch list, you can purchase a semi-automatic rifle and all the ammo that the Great and Powerful Oz tells you to.  
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You can’t fly, but you can by a semi-automatic weapon  
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This year, North Carolina finally joined progressive states like Texas and Yemen - and repealed those pesky laws that prohibited guns from schools, church’s and bars.  So go have a drink after Sunday School (oh yea, the NRA is fighting to lower the age limit on gun owners).and enough ammo to take out a theater, school or Naval facility.
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Starbucks asked people, politely, not to bring their guns to Starbucks (he didn't ban them, just requested - LINK). The response was "I'll bring my guns where ever the hell I want."
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And that was September for the Republicans.
I need a cigarette now....

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