Monday, August 18, 2014

In the Scope of Building Bridges of Understanding... New Team Names

The NCAA has outlawed Native American names for school mascots and teams.  This has resulted in a run on Jaguars, Bobcats and other “fearsome” felines.  These are, I say, both boring and repetitive.  Particularly since the country has such a rich historical culture.  So here are some other possible names:


University of North Dakota Jackalopes

The University of North Dakota were the “Fighting Sioux” for years.  The NCAA and the North Dakota legislature finally reached an agreement to drop the Fighting Sioux, and they are prohibited from taking a new mascot until 2015.  Why not the Jackalopes?  Those fearsome creatures of the Western Plains that are kid-friendly cross of Jackrabbit and Antelope.  Who doesn’t remember the first time, as a youth, you got the postcard of the Western Jackalope and said, “Cool!”.
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University of Illinois Governor Corruptor
The University of Illinois has officially removed Chief Illiniwek as their mascot – and the Native American logo has been removed to the blank I of the Illini.  Dull, but not impossible to get around. Illinois has a grand tradition of corrupt politicians.  Instead of the Chief doing his famous halftime dance, perhaps it is time for a Illinois Governor, with cash bulging out of his pockets dance to try to buy votes.  Clearly Chief Corruptor has a grand tradition in Illinois – 4 of the last 7 Governors have been convicted and served time in prison (LINK).  The Mascot could run onto the court, money falling from his pockets, while 4 other students, dressed keystone kops-style could chase him with a foam jail cell.
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Carthage College Snipes
Carthage College was the “Redmen”.  To meet NCAA requirements, they changed the name to “Red Men”, supposedly in reference to the red jerseys they used to wear.  It is a compromise that I don’t imagine makes anyone happy.   So, though my first choice was Carthage Hannibals, for the invasion of Rome.  But then I thought, everyone will think of Hannibal Lector – which is pretty dominating sounding, but probably a copyright infringement.  Now I have not heard of Wisconsin’s Carthage College before, and I couldn’t find it on a map.  So I thought, Carthage College Snipes.  Because there is a great tradition at camp of making the new kid going on a snipe hunt.  When there is no actual snipe.  And trying to find Carthage College Red Men is like trying to hunt snipe.
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Possible T-Shirt

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San Diego Surfers

Now San Diego State is in an odd condition.  They are still the San Diego Aztecs.  But they had to 86 Montezuma, who (unlike Chief Illiniwek) stood stoically on the sidelines.  But somehow they were allowed to keep the Aztec name.  Now I don't know if that was a compromise because the Aztecs are gone (although that didn't help the Illini) or because it was not the US Americans that wiped them out but the Spanish - who knows.
But my guess is that the Aztec name has not got a long life left, even after Montezuma was retired.  So I say, go now.  Go San Diego Surfers.  No one other school is the Surfers yet.  And it will piss off Hawaii (the Rainbow Warriors who first thought it was too girly (gay) being the Rainbow Warriors to became the Warriors; only to change their mind a few years ago and Rainbow back up).  
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I even have a mascot for you....