Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Alternative Facts: International Edition

Last Week the Shit Show opened to its European run. 

Trump turned his laser like focus on Europe, in order to explain how the world really works to Angie Merkel and friends (you know he dated Angie Dickinson once - back when she was hot - not now).

Anyway, back to the Shit Show.

Since Kellyanne Conway and Stephen Miller are in a CNN imposed time-out, he sent the B team to Europe.

First Mike Pence told the European Union that the US supported them.

And that Trump was misunderstood when he said it was an outdated institution that others would leave.

And when Trump applauded Brexit and said others would beat a path out - he didn't really mean he wanted that to happen. He just meant the the EU was such a disaster that it would happen.

VP Pence said this at an European Union meeting where he managed his speech without every saying the words "European Union".

Applause was tepid.

Then Defense Secretary Mattis (Mad Dog) had to go and talk with those cheap ass SOBs of NATO. 

He said that the US was fully behind NATO and nothing would change that. You know, unless they didn't raise their Defense Budgets to 2% of their GDP. Not that this information would be used if our allies were attacked - but if Russia decided to attack the Baltics, only Estonia has been making the 2% contribution. We would defend everyone, but we might start in Tallinn (he's looking at you Lithuanian and Latvia).

Poor Mad Dog Mattis then had to comment on Trump's plans to steal Iraq's oil.

Mad Dog said that just because Trump said we should have taken the oil, that doesn't mean Trump wanted to. 

And just because President Trump said, "We'll see..." when asked if he would go back and take the oil now, doesn't mean we are investigating that possibility.

And yes, we know it's a War Crime.  The US doesn't do War Crimes - and no, waterboarding didn't count because we stopped it (wink wink nudge nudge, do you have another question because we can answer it in private).

And then there is that Hell On Earth, Sweden.

Trump was just parroting what he saw on TV in the middle of the night and it's not his fault if those pesky Swedes don't want Fox News.

If they did, then they would know they are living in a Communist Hell Hole with Global Health Care, 6 months of maternity / paternity leave, one of the lowest levels of income inequality, free child care - it's like a Trump Tower nightmare. Every Swede has the right to a happy healthy life, what kind of bullshit is that?

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