So lets make fun of something else. How about a fabulously horrible show on CBS. Eddie can't stand to watch it, but I love it. I love it in that whole car-wreck kind of way. I mean, who green lite this? (green lighted?)
So here is the "premise". This really nice guy is proposing to his girlfriend. Well, they meet in 3rd grade, so to propose he invites over his old 3rd grade class - who has never kept in touch. Because, of course, in New York or LA you still have all of your old 3rd grade class members phones numbers. And, should you get a call like this, you decide to go. Of course.
There are 8 of them, which seems to be too much to remember and write for, but there is good news here. First, they pair them all up (ta-da) and Second the writers seem to forget about 75% of them in any episode.
So the hilarity starts with the boy and girl underlined in Red. He goes to the reunion because, well he was only going to kill himself anyway - and what is a few hours later. Here he falls for the dizzy girl (underlined in red) and they go to dinner.
Here is where it gets "better", it is a great dinner at the diner andafterwards they talk on the phone in the car. Which so distracts him he runs over her and puts her in a wheelchair. This is all on day 1. (Apparently "meeting cute" is big in the writer's room.) The writers set this up for a while, by the way he is really really really smart, worked at a internet firm and made millions, but then was a wistle blower and lost it all. Now he drives toxic waste to New Jersey. Ha Ha.
But the laughs get better. Wait for it. He and the wheelchair girl end up falling in love an dating. Only problem - he is already married. And he is married to Darlene from Rosanne, who someone failed to tell this was a comedy - because she is smokin' bitter. Every time Darlene steps on the set the comedic feel (already thin) is broken and we are really watching a tired whipped suicidal man trying desparetely to connect to a half-girl / half-woman he has incapacitated and to whom he lies to about being married. Mirth abounds.
Now let's move on to the characters with the purple lines over their head. They were elementary and high school sweet hearts. Not clear what happened yet, but they grew apart. He is now a stupid lunk head contractor hunk who lives in his mother's basement. She is "trapped" in a loveless marriage with a famous ex-football star. They spend the night after the 3rd grade reunion in bed (until his mother wakes them up with a rousing "Dear! how nice to see you again." which the laugh track finds uproarious).
At the beginning her husband, the football player, threatened her, but apparently that didn't play well, so now he is just a really nice guy. A nice guy who's wife is cheating on him. And the football player hires the contractor, at his wife's suggestion and complaint, to redo their house. Because the guy who lives in his mom's basement is a contractor. (Of course, if you can't make money in the last few years as a contractor, you should look for a new line of work.)
The hunk from 3rd grade, by the way, has a little hero-man-crush on football player (although not in the same way he likes the football players wife) and they are now friends. Not great friends, seeing how he is sleeping with the guy's wife, but friends. In order to tie this couple to the to the 2 people in the first paragraph. He hires Mr. Unhappily-Married-Toxic-Waste-Driver to help drywall (in the verb sense, not the noun sense) his mistress' husband's house.
Nailgun hilarity insues.
Now to the bright green side bars. This is Mr and Miss Perfect. Mr and Miss P went to the Prom together, but she found him that night in bed with another guy. At the Prom. By the way, at my prom they didn't keep beds and other guys - but it sounds like a PAR-tee to me. Well, she is still bitter, and he is still guilty. So, boviously, they become friends.
Meanwhile - she hasn't been asleep since Prom night. No, she has married a gigantic queen of a boy (who named their daughter Oprah - because he is a fan). He has married a Latin gorgeous hunk of a guy. The running joke is that Miss Pretty (now Mrs. Queenie) can't understand the Latin's accent (which is of the "Corintheian Leather" variety) and her husband (Mr. Queenie) can't keep his eyes off the hunk. Mr Married-Queen, by the by, has yet to appear in a scene without a pink swater tied around his shoulders. At first I thought this was a bad gay joke, now I think the writer's are just trying to keep track of everyone.
The Mr. Gay ex-Prom date is reduced here to pacifing the Latin hunk and trying desperately to hope now one remembers him in this show. Day to day they are tied to the other members of the show - not so much. Really, they might as well be on their on show, "Gay Father Knows Best and Here Come the Brides".
Now the other two in the picture. I feel sorry for them. I think the nerd in the middle was suppose to be the star and the anchor of the friendships.
And, I think they meant "anchor" like Monica's apartment on friends. Not "ancor" like piece of lifeless metal dropped into the ocean, which is what he is.
The other girl is a punk crazy girl. Twin sister of the scared of life wheelchair girl. And, unlike Hally Mills or even Patty Duke, these two were not raised apart. No they are twins that don't look alike or talk alike or dress alike or even appear to be near the same ages - but they are twins because otherwise they couldn't have been in 3rd grade together. They just have nothing in common. so I think the nerd and the punk were suppose to be together, but they have no chemistry.
Imagine that. The nerd and the punk have less chemistry than a married audultorer that drives toxic waster and the girl he ran over.
To quote Kelly Clarkson (from both her albums) it is "Such a Beautiful Disaster."