The best line in All about Eve is not “Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night!” No, while that is a great line it can really only be said by a drag queen hosting a wet underwear contest..
No ladies and germs, the best line; the most quoted line in our house is from Thelma Ritter. It is used as Eve discussed how she came to New York. A ponderous and oh-so-sad story about working in a beer factory (everything smells like beer); her finding true enjoyment at a little theater with Eddie; how Eddie, now her fiancé and a WWII pilot, was going to meet her in San Francisco for leave – but Eddie never came – he was shot down; how she traveled from San Francisco to New York because only theater made her feel alive.
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After the story, with much sniffling around the dressing room table, Thelma Ritter says, “Gee! Everything but the dogs, nipping at her rear end!”
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Not only is it funny in context, it is now funny as we watch sports getting ready for the Olympics. Because, as you may or may not know, to engage the female viewer, everyone must have a tragic story of pain they have overcome. You can’t just be the fastest, or the cleanest, or the most graceful. No, now you have to have battled cancer, had a brother shot in a gang war, had parents that divorced – something, anything to make you “more human”. So in Torino, Apollo Ono – perfectly well adjusted – had to come from a home with a mixed marriage – and he had to SUFFER from it.
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So, as we watched the Men’s Volleyball team beat Argentina, we had to watch poor Kevin Hansen. .
You would think Kevin - 6 foot 5 of humpiness, born in Costa Mesa blocks from the beach and educated at Stanford, now on the Olympic men’s team – had the good life, right?
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No, NBC found a cousin with cancer that poor Kevin had to think about during a match, where he was down 2 games to zero, and he parents missed because they were in the hospital with their niece. And it was delivered in hushed tones so the men at the microphone in New York didn’t disturb the match (going on in tape delay from Irvine California).
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Ed and I turned to each other during this sad sad story and said, “Gez! Everything but the dogs, nipping at his rear end.”
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It is a line I am afraid I will be using to excess during the Olympic telecast.