Thursday, July 16, 2015

Exodus: The Movie - With time comes the ability to call a stinker a stinker

Oye.
.
Eddie and I watched Exodus the other night.  You know how it is, the Netflix DVD shows up some time after you selected it and you go, "Hum, let's give this a try."


.
Don't. Bother.
.
What a horrible movie!  First, if you haven't seen the original you would be lost. Cecil knew how to tell a story! It is really hard to believe they are based on the same source material.
.
Some big differences, Moses doesn't go to the Pharaoh between plagues: God just brings them down willy nilly.  Moses just sits on the outskirts of Memphis, impotent.  Also, no origin shown, it starts like in reel 6.  Finally, and most upsetting, the ending has Moses carving the 10 Commandments.  Carving them as God berates him.
Nope, not the "Pit of Doom" from a Hobbit movie.  This is where the Israelites hung out.
Hopefully, one already has a belief in God that is strong, because if not, this movie will make you dislike him intensely.  God is embodied as a little British child brat with a horrible temper.  He kills people in a temper tantrum.  For example, the Jews are saved during passover, but all the Egyptian first born die.  And all the non-Jew slaves - the Africans, the Guards, the Arab slaves.  Pretty much everyone - and God doesn't give a shit at all.
Hail: Which in the desert seems like a respite, not a plague to me, but whatever.
Moses, who is trying to do God's work appeals to him again and, but Little Lord Fauntleroy pretty much ignores him.  After first saying telling Moses he wants a general, and then telling Moses that he did a shitty job of setting the Isrealites free.
.
Seriously, this Lord God is a putz.
God - per Exodus: Gods and Kings.  Who needs a nap?
And Moses .. not only is he not Charlton Heston, he isn't even Moses of Exodus (from the source material).  In the Book, he raises his arms to part the Red Sea. In this movie, he gnashes and whines he brought the Israelites to the wrong part of the ocean, before he happens to see the current moving before ordering them into the ocean.
None of that staff into a snake or "Let My People Go" whizbang that made The Ten Commandments so entertaining.
Also, when did we move Mt. Sinai from the Sinai Pennesula to Saudi Arabia?  I missed that memo.
.
I guess there were four major problems with the movie.
.
Plot flaw #1, everything was pretty much explainable without God.
Plot flaw #2, God - as portrayed in the movie - was a spoiled brat who needed a good time-out.
Movie flaw #3, the random British-ish accents were all over the map - to the point Sigourney Weaver just said screw it and talked liked she was from the Upper East side of New York.
Movie flaw #4, no Anne Baxter.
Anne Baxter would have rocked Exodus: Gods and Kings

2 comments:

"Ann Baxter" from Wisconsin said...

Moses, Moses, Moses........

Anonymous said...

I echo from Wisconsin's plea "moses, moses, moses"! -svh