Wednesday, June 15, 2016

My Grandmother Donna

My Grandmother Donna (aka Honey) passed away this week.  She was 100 (and a few months) and was in many ways ready to pass.  Very ready.

She went in her sleep and that is the way to go I think.

Through no fault of ours, we were never particularly close.  It was, in fact, the fault of my father - who was a dick to Donna both purposefully and by chance.  She blamed him for my mom's early marriage and missing the life she probably expected my mom to have.

And, after the divorce, it was even worse as he had no reason even to hold back how much he disliked her. And I, no doubt, was a constant reminder of him.  She always tried to be nice, but it is hard to be warm to a child when you absolutely hate the father on some gut level.

Of course, there is always the good with the bad.  Because she had a hard time with me, my Grandfather tried extra-hard to make sure I was comfortable. So, while the other grandkids had a great relationship with her and a tolerable one with my Grandfather, I was the opposite.

As I grow older I marvel at how complex life could be.  Donna gave up her family, extended family and religion (Mormons) to marry a Minister from a different religion - who turned out to be bi-polar and a bit crazy.  But she stuck with him.  Even thought her mother (Great Grandma Early) had no problem pointing out, often, how she blew it.

Donna's 90th in Palm Springs with her 3 children 6 of her 9 grandchildren, various in-laws and cousins.  And Trevor.
She did teach me how to make Sangria, made sure that my week-ends with her and Quinn were happy and full, and generally did everything that life asked of her and tried to do it nicely.

Oddly, she and I didn't connect much until her 90th birthday party out in Palm Springs.  Eddie and I hosted the family and extended family for the party and we finally got to know each other as adults.  And that is how I shall remember her.  Oh, the odd crazy Honey story will still come out (I have a ton!), but I will really REMEMBER her from those days.  Those days when we became not just relatives, but people and I liked her.

2 comments:

ShellyH said...

These are always the tricky ones to write, aren't they? Your willingness to see things from both perspectives in retrospect is a great strength. I'm so glad you had the time with her at her 90th and are able to look back with fondness. -svh

Scott said...

Exactly True svh