Thursday, October 28, 2004


Well, humm...

I don't really have all that much to say. Eddie has been great with regards to my Grandma. He has answered the phone when the old nosey ladies haver been a pain in the ass ("I didn't know Zela wanted to be cremated." " When are you going to have the service?" "What is happening with her old walker?")

I have been kind of checked out. I just go home and want to sleep all the time. But it is getting better.

I had lunch with an old freind today I haven't seen in years (Patrick). We had set this up a few weeks ago, but it was a perfect time to see him. And it was at Islands. A perfect place to have 2 margaritas.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

So My Grandma Passed Away

So my grandmother passed away today. I hate to talk. I hate to talk on the phone. I don't want to go to a service right now (long story). But I want to say I love you Zela.

My grandmother was a trooper. She had two kids, one was my dad - who put her through the ringer, and one was down syndrome - which is a blessing -but don't let anyone kid you. It is hard hard work 24/7. In between it all she had to watch out over me.
My grandma taught me about family and kindness. About turning a blind eye when you needed to, but being there when you had to be.
When Mark died, my Grandma talked to me about losing her husband. Because she and her friends had talked about it. And, to her and the bible group, they didn't understand the gay thing, but they understood the loss thing. And she told me I would be okay. And we laughed because we both knew it sounded like a load of (in her words) horse shit.
When I meet Eddie, no one was happier than her. Well maybe me, but you know what I mean. She survived her husband and both kids. She even survived Ed's family :-). She was 93 years old, and I think she was ready to go. Everything was giving out on her. Her eyes, her hips (old and replaced), her ears.
But to the end she loved life. She loved seeing me, hearing about my trips and eating with Ed and I.
She never quite understood my traveling, but she knew I liked it. And so she liked to see places through my eyes.
I wouldn't be here without her. She saved me in a ton of tangible and intangible ways. When I was little and hid from the world, she made me stay in touch with my dad (when I lived with my mom) and my mom (when I lived with my dad). I remember that I would have nothing to write my mom (I was like 8) but she would help me to pick out Snoopy cartoons to draw and send to her. Family was important to her - even if she didn't understand how her son's had fallen apart.
I see my mom and my dad in me. I see their sense of fun and adventure. I see their drive. Of my grandmother I hope I have her grit and her outlook on life. And he smile when things go well.
I will miss her.
(no comments on this one - give your grandma a call)

Mr Wizard is a bad bad man

Remember when you were little and you watched Mr. Peabody. And the kid would always be sent in "The Waybck Machine" to visit somewhere. I loved those shows. But they have destroyed me for life.

Why, one asks? Becasue deep down inside, I know that somewhere is a little dog, watching the wayback machine. And no matter how many times at work I scream "Help Mr. Wizard. I don't want to work here anymore." That damn dog won't way back me back.

If I every meet Mr. Peabody, that is one dog that is going be fixed tout sweet!

Monday, October 25, 2004

My New Password Follies

So, I get a message this morning that I have access to personnel information. Therefore I have to follow the new password rules.

1) Logon on to the password change site
2) Use the change button
3) Enter the encrypted password from your electronic safe/card within 20 seconds
4) Retrieve the first half of your password from the site
5) Logon to you mail to get the second half of your new password
6) Login using this new password within 30 minutes or it will be locked
7) Do note write down the new password anywhere

That really isn't that difficult with your safe/card.
I ordered my safe card in November.
November of 2003.
It has yet to arrive.
I believe one is allowed to be concerned over a new procedures such as this, when delivered from people who can't send out a safe/card within 11 months. This is a fair concern.

So what do I do? Apparently they realize they are idiots so they have a back up plan.

If you do not have an electronic safe/card, find 2 friends that do.

1) Have each friend go to their logon site and select "trusted friend"
2) Each will use their safe/card to get a message delivered to them
3) Each use will print out the file and give it to you (the files cannot be mailed).
4) You have 1 hour to logon with the two files as you single password.

Are you kidding me?

Are there 2 people that have safe/cards in my group. Yes. There are. Ther are 2. The 12 people managers that need new passwords will all go to these 2 people for their passwords.

1 is in Hawaii for 2 weeks.

Speaking of head up your butt moves, did anyone see the Bruins tear their own heart out on TV last Saturday. It was sad and pathatic and no one would go out with me to drown my sorrows.

Friday, October 22, 2004

A Potpourri of Topics

1. Like a Bad Fart...

While driving into work today I have noticed that a lot of new plays in LA are the second half of analogies. There is "Like a Fish Without a Bicycle" (from the "Woman without a man is...". There is a new play opening call "Like a Dog on linoleum" (from the can't get traction analogy). It is a bad trend. Emotional shorthand used to hook into a current cultural phenomea is like a bad fart, a lot of noise, smell and waving of hands - but very little real relief.

2. We Can't Vote in the Presidential Election, but we will make our voices heard

Actually we can vote in the Presidential election, but we are going to Kerry. Because all of California hates Bush. I don't mean that in an active way, just more esoterically like Annette hates Sushi or Ed hates Michigan. It doesn't normally effect, but we feel it the same.

So, how can California tell Bush to sod off? Voting for Kerry isn't enough. It is our one day to make our voice heard. We are voting on Proposition 73. To fund Stem Cell research to the tune of $3 Billion. No one wants to spend the money, but everyone wants to tell Bush that we are still here. And we still hate you. Oh yea, and let's cure some disease.

3. You can go to Mexico

So this morning on the radio they were talking about how people are going to Canada or Mexico to get flu shots. Apparently exactly the same vaccine we use is for use there. People in Brownsville are flooding over the river to, I kid you not, Rose-Maria's Restaurant and Pharamcia. Will you want in line, you can have a Taco Plate.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Two things...

1. It is raining a lot in LA. Not so bad. But the pooches HATE the rain. You all know that (I have discussed this). Last night they refused to go out and pee. Simply refused. So we threatened them with death and finally let them go to bed knowing there would be a night-time issue.

There was not. The dogs held it all night. This morning, back outside - still raining hard. Finally after much Scott in a towel in the front yard screaming "pee! Pee! You can't come in until you pee!", Hastings found the closet thing to pee on (the Chimera) just one step off the rocks, and partially under the overhang.

Ashford refused even that. He simply stood on the step, raised his leg and try to shoot it across the rocks the chimera. Thy ran back in quickly and are now in bed with Ed.

2. Anthony Villagirosa. He was my state assemblyman in Larchmont. He was a great guy. And he ran for Mayor versus dumb-as-stick (and current Mayor) Jim Hahn. Well Mayor Jimmy has an asinine plan for expanding LAX. Ass-e-9. (Moving all the check in an 1/2 mile away into one building to make the 9 terminals less tempting targets for car bombers - hello, doesn't that make the new check-in terminal a, oh I don't know, a HUGE target!)

So Anthony is against the plan (as all the candidates are - this is kind of an every 4 year argument on why the current mayor should be kicked out). But last night, Anthony - my guy - says that what LA needs is not a bigger airport, but a regional airport like Chicago has with Midway.

Wow, that's a great idea! Great! We should put one in the Valley and call it, oh I don't know, Burbank Airport. Or we could put one 10 miles south at that old McDonald-Douglas factory. We could call it, ummmmm Long Beach Airport. Or, let's go crazy, put one out where Riverside / San Bernardino is growing. What would we call that how about Ontario International. There are also a lot of people in Anaheim, Santa Ana, Irvine. It's too bad they don't' have an airport down there in Orange County.

IDIOT. We have 4 regional working airports in addition to LAX. And you what, the LA Airport Authority OWNS TWO OF THEM.

Monday, October 18, 2004

Funniest Lady

Okay, here's the poopski. You all know that Gavin and Mickey are GREAT friends of ours (they haven't called us lately - but I am hoping that is just because they are lazy like us, not angry).

Any who... One of Mickey's best freinds is Suzzanne. She is working towards being an actress. She is consistantly one of the funnest people I know - in a quick positive way - not the Scooter quick cutting way.

For example (skip if you have heard this story like a million times...) We were all at a freind's house who has a show on lifetime. It was a beautiful house and we are all taking the tour (as you do), wandering through the place. Her bedroom was this gorgeous old dark teak furniture, with a view of the city and a throne of a bed. One of those huge 4 poster numbers, with the netting over the top to give it a tropical feel.

As Eddie and I walk out, we meet Suzzane in the hall. We say, "Beautiful bedroom." She answers without a pause, "Yea, shame about the mesquitos though." Okay it doesn't read funny, but she has a quick throwaway wit and doesn't wait for a response if it isn't needed.

So Scott, what's the point. Well, she was in this silly VH1 Search for the New Partridge Family. You know she got to the final 8, then talent people cut it down based on singing and acting to 5, then to 3, then America voted to 2. Then last night they picked the new Shirley. And it is Suzzane.

Great Job. Of course, they are making her look a little older in the show.
From he web site.

From VH1

Sunday, October 17, 2004

Faith the Badger

Well, of course Ed's niece Faith is a Minnesota fan (fyi - hummed yesterday). She doesn't like the Badgers - she likes Goldie Gopher.

But it wasn't always that way.

You Wouldn't Pull That Crapon Annette...

It's a line from Grease, the movie - which was rated like G so I refuse to get in too much trouble for it. Anyways, Annette - Ed's cousin was out this week end.

We had fun. She has two kids, so while she was fancy free we took her drinking and to see Team Amercia.

Team America was good, but it was no South Park; Bigger, Longer and Uncut. In fact we were overhyped for it.

But afterwards we went out and had drinks with Ronnie Roo and Bradley-san so it was a lot of fun.

Of course, as when ever anyone from back east comes out, the weather was crapola. She got in the cab (at 5:15!) in pouring rain.

Friday, October 15, 2004

The 3rd Person.. and Earthquakes

Occasionally the use of the third person - when discussing yourself- in conversation makes sense (as in "Scott, what are you thinking?" I hear you ask yourselves. Actually maybe that isn't 3rd person, but 2nd person. But I thought second person would be "What is one thinking?" - any who...)

Occasionally the use of the third person- when discussing yourself- in conversation makes sense. But these times are few and far between. These times are not on Survivor, unless you want to sound crazy to your comrades (forced freindships though they are).

However, if one must use the third person, use your real name. As in "Travis is getting sick of the food here."

Rather than a name which, while perhaps pleasent enough in Married-to-Your-Cousin Kentucky, sounds odd to a national TV audiences. As in "Buba done had enough Plantains."

Last night Buba, as sick of Plantains as we are of his Bob Barker T-Shirt, was sent home by the women folk. In retrospect, maybe it was about more than the use of the 3rd person.

PS to anyone who happend to catch the episode (and there are fewer all the time - I know it jumped the shark). If you happen to get "caught" in an earthquake, get under something solid or away from things that might fall. Do not, as they did on Survivor, scream and run around like a chicken with your head cut off.

The ground is moving, where do you think you are running to? It won't last forever, the earth is moving a little, it will stop.

Looking around, instinctually looking for the big rig that has just crash through you house, is acceptable. To do so for an hour aterwards while screaming is just silly.

And as for the famous "running in a circle to get it to stop" is rather fruitless. The earht will settle down whether you run around in a circle or not.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Patti's Wedding - Scott and the Matron

I love that word, Matron of Honor. I picture a prison guard in my mind. I mean I expect the unattractive slouch, the stripes and the ciggy butt hanging out one side of her mouth, saying something like, "You want the ring. Come and get it!"

But that was not the case at Patti's wedding. The Matron of Honor was her sister - married a couple of years early. She was very busy early in the evening, but she and I relaxed later in the day. She and I and my good friend Jack, Jack Daniels.

Speaking of Nincompoopery

As you know, Eddie and I thought "Manhunt - the Search for the Most non-Queeny Male Model" was going to be horrible. It would make us feel bad about ourselves.

Well, surprise. It was dreadfully entertaining. Turns out there is very little more fun that watching walking - talking - ripped Ken dolls make absolutely clear they are dolts. Idiots. Nincompoops - if I may.

And, while professing their straight-hood, the host (this older daddy type) walks out and yells "Line up and Strip!". Then makes fun of their underwear. It was like bad porn.

Then they make the models strip all the way (artfully blurred) and put on tight Calvin Klein (product placement) boxer-briefs with black combat boots. And then jump out of a plane with a man on their back. It seemed like someone's idea of homo-erotic, but so didn't work with an fully clothed, not too cute instructor on their back. But they did look like idiots again!

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

TSA - Overworked and Underpaid

So I am driving in today to work and I get a good chuckle.

The security screeners at airports are quitting (or being fired) at the rate of about 20 - 25% a year. They believe they are overworked and underappreciated.

Really? You think you're overworked?

Let me say that I have traveled a lot this year and summer. You are most certainly not overworked. You know how I know? Because there are 6 of you around every one working machine and only 1 of you works.

Story - Eddie and I left LA the other morning and the guy at the x-ray machines asks Suzzie "I got better things to do than listen to you" Screener for a bag check. Miss Suzzie ignores him. Again he says, "Bag Check!".

Meanwhile, the line is backing up. Suzzie is studiously looking everywhere but at the x-ray machine. She will not turn. Finally someone in line yells, and Suzzie whips her ass around to see who said something. Everyone shuts up, because Suzzie will kick you off the plane - don't screw with Suzzie. She mozies down the 4 feet to the x-ray machine in a cool 40 seconds.

"What?" she says.

Now Suzzie really only has one job here. A bag check. Why this requires an explanation is beyond me. But the x-ray guy explains it to her. Her cow-like gum chewing and exhausted sighing lets me know that Suzzie has been through this before. The large gentlemen in line says, "Those are drum sticks", Suzzie holds up her hand. She is in charge her. "Sir, will you step back please."

He steps back, also sighing and looking put-upon. Suzzie is in for a fight with this one. He is a big black gentlemen, but Suzzie matches his ass pound for pound - and she has better eye-rolling and a better weave. After all, she has all day to practice the eye-rolling (and I think she does her weave during bathroom breaks).

With Suzzie and the drummer moved 2 inches away, the rest of the line is allowed to do the shoeless, beltless shuffle through - at the rate of 1 person every 2 minutes. By the time Eddie and I are through, putting our shoes and belts back on, Suzzie has about 20 drumsticks out of the bag, and removing the remainder one at a time. How do I know it was about 20. Cuz Suzzie is counting, "Eight..tain," pick it out and put it in a stack, "Night..tain" pick it out and put it in the stack, "Twenty" move that stack down, reach into the bag and guess what is there? What could that be. It's another drumstick. Suzzie studies it from all angles, until she is sure that this one isn't a stick of dynamite, "Twenty.. *sigh*"

Overworked! PU-leez. If Suzzie had to do a real job for twenty minutes he butt would be on the street so quickly it would make your head spin.

Tucson and Missoula are the same story, but they appear to hire only 60 year old ex-marines who huff and puff better than the Suzzies of this world.

Friday, October 08, 2004

Are you kidding me!!!

Hello world gone nucking futs.

I am so glad that many people explained I was crazy when I said this government would do antyhing to get elected. ANYTHING! Including lying about the terror threat level. "Oh no," people said, "That is Micheal Moore fantasy."

Well yesterday the Homeland security department issue an terror alert to schools. It seems there were school plans, exits and floor plans found in Iraq. Everything but Dick Cheny in a Chicken Little Suit screaming, "The Terrorists Are Going To KILL Your Children - Don't Vote For Kerry!!!"

Today. Turns out they were foudn on an Iraq computer from someone that is helping to set up schools. Don't believe. Here is the CNN Link. And here is the money paragraph.

The Homeland Security official said the material was associated with a specific individual in Iraq, and it could not be established that this man had any ties to terrorism. He did have a connection to civic groups doing planning for schools in Iraq, the official said.

And when was this information released? On a Friday. Just like the hike in Medicare Costs. Or the news about the FBI investigation of an administration leak of a CIA agent. Or the information that the administration's Drug Plan was underestimated by $1BILLION - and they knew it all along. Thank god they aren't really trying to bury the information.

Eds works late, Scott Pub Crawls

It isn't a fair world. We all know that.

My poor Eddid has been in New York meeting on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Through the first two days he was leaving work until after midnight. While it can sound glamerous (Ed's in a conference on the 50th floor at 30 Rockefeller Center preparing for NBC) - it is not pleasent.

It probably didn't help that he called last night and I just got back from a little "pub crawl".

Well, not a pub crawl as there are no pubs in Hollywood, but a "lounge crawl". Unfortunately Bradly and I did not hit the magic time when it isn't too crowdy or too empty. We went to Tokio (Japanese Sushi-Kareoki Bar gone Jetson's) and shared the place with 5 other people. We walked into White Lotus where a HUGE LOUD MAGAZINE PARTY WAS GOING ON. WE BREEZED IN (PAST SECURITY), BUT IT WAS TOO LOUD AND WANNA-BE TO REALLY BE ENJOYABLE SO WE LEFT. We then walked to Daddy's - a sweet slice of red naugahide and nice music. Again which we shared with 4 people. The drinks (burbon and diet coke) were a great burbon, but apparently they were out of Diet Coke, because neither Bradly or I seemed to to get any mixer. But it was a nice big glass of Jack Daniels.

Well, Eddie was going to fly home tongiht and directly to Palm Springs. But, his meeting was pushed back so now he comes into LA late. I will await him and make him feel better. Because that is what I do.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Asford vs. Alqueda

Oye', the Presidential race is worrying me. Oye', what will happen to the future. Oye', why does God hatie Florida.

Well, enough worry about the "big things" - Ashford pulled my ass back to reality. Last night I was painting the bathroom. Ed is out of town and I thoguht I would suprise him with a newly painted bathroom (because apparently my being in Thailand and Hong Kong didn't give him enoguh time to paint - but I digress). I was finally done and ready to put up the wall plates and all, when Ashford wanted to go out front.

Ashford gets this wild hair every now and then. He goes out front and wanders along the gate. Looks at life passing by. He barks at the other dogs. He enjoys life out there.

Last night he enjoyed barking at the black and white wierd dog. The black and white dog, turned out to be a skunk. Now the skunk was outside the gate, but still wanted Ashford to know he didn't enjoy being barked at.

Yes, last night at 10:30 I was busy (in my newly painted bathroom) washing the skunk smell out of the little fat brown dog. fun. He's at the groomer today.


Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Mutilated Heads - PG, Puppet Sex - X

Are you kidding me? The finally cut enough "puppet sex" out of Team America to get an R.

Bear with me here. Here is a note from the site:

Alien vs. Predator
Rated PG-13 for violence, language, horror
images, slime and gore.

Violence, horror images - PG13
Puppet Sex - X (toned down to an R)

Really people - have we not gone crazy enough? (FYI - Sneak preview on Saturday Night. B there or B sq.)

Shut up shut up shut up shut up

Oh my god, please make the candidates shut up. There is no story they will not spin. No truth they won't stretch. No tiny bit of patriotism they wont' try to twist into hate of their opponent. Why don't Americans vote. Because politicians are vile pieces of scum and we wish with all our might they are not really indiciative of us as a people.

Take this "Global Test" bullshit for instance.

I can't take it. Uncle! You have convinced me that you are all scum.

Congratulations. From this campign I have learned that Vietnam heros are liars (it is not clear if all Vietnam Vets are or are not). That disagreeing with the President during a "war" is treason (that was noted during the open ended war on terror - not the Iraq war).

I have learned that car bombs killing hundres of Iraqs a week is progress. I learned that going into the National Guard is just an excuse to party (myself, I don't think the brave guard troops in Iraq feel that way - but what is reality seems not to matter to our candidates).

In short, I have learned that you will say anything, do anything, exploit any tradgity, play off any fear, flame any hatred in order to get elected the most powerful man in the world.

I have learned, in short, our president (whom ever it is that wins this election) is amoral. I would not be friends with him. If he were tied to the train tracks and a train was coming I would wish that his running mate and opponent and Karl Rove were right there with him.

And our "news media" were a bit farther down the tracks.

A great lesson to teach our kids.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Priest Joke

Not a priest that is a joke, a joke from a Priest.

During Patti and Jay's wedding, the priest was great. He talked about love and commitment and everything. He then, seamlessly, sequayed into a joke. So God created Eve as a companion to Adam so that he may know both emotional and physical love. And Adam looked on her and was amazed. He fairly cried unto God, "Oh Lord, why have you made her so beautiful, so sweet so calm of voice and warm of heart."

And God said, "So you will love her, Adam."

And Adam found this good. Eve was beautiful. She was caring. She was everything he dreamed her to be. Almost. Adam, hesitant for he might anger God, said quietly, "Oh Lord, Eve is fair and kind, but why did you make her so dumb?"

And God said, "So she can love you, Adam."

You rarely get a Catholic Priest who interrupts the stand up, sit down, kneel, fight, fight, fight for a good old joke. FYI - I miss the Latin. I mean I am not Catholic or anything, but when my mom married her second husband we went to a real catholic church. Knees, doilys on the ladies heads, and the words in Latin. Easy to sleep through.

Monday, October 04, 2004

Nice Week-end

We had a nice time in Chicago last week-end. We stayed at the Swiss Hotel in the city with a view of Navy Pier out one window and the new Milleium Park out of the other. The weather was really sunny. Not really warm, but really sunny - so that was cool.

Patti's wedding was nice.

Not so nice when they called us to come down and have a little cocktail afterwards. I roused Eddie from bed and we went down. Only to find Alex hurrying upstairs saying, "go help Jo-Anne out of the car. She's sick." So we hurry to help the Matron of Honor. Ed's gift for his trouble. A nice Bloomidales bag of barf.

Once disposed of, and Jo-Ann cleaned up, we had a good night of drinking, laughing and making fun of people's feet.

And Another Thing

Congrats to those guys that took a private space ship up and back twice. I like that.

Sunday, October 03, 2004

Patti and Jay's Wedding

Well, another week-end, another wedding. This was tres nicey. We had a great time in Tinley Park and Chicago. I will share more later, but here is a link for those that want to see the pix.