Sunday, January 29, 2006

The Mad Scientist of Pidgeons

So this week-end Eddie became the Mad Scientist of Pidgeons. He hates pidgeons. Particularly in the desert, where the land on the roof to crap and coo. Then the wind and rain blows the pidgeon poop down near the pool.

So 2 weeks ago, Eddie goes up on the roof to clean off the poop. He was like a 4 hour ordeal; including like 12 inches deep in the very front. He finally got it all clean, but as we were levaing pidgeons were landing again.

So since then he order the Mad Scientist kit. This week-end he put the spikes all over the roof lines. He also got a "scarecrow" that shoots water at them when they land near the jaquzzi. He works and works. But then Hastings walks by the scarecrow and it shoots water and scares him. So Eddie turns it off. After a full day of working, Eddie sits inside. And looks out the window.

And, out the window, a pidgeon lands near the scarecrow (turned off now), and drinks from the Jaquzii. Ed curses loudly enough to be heard outside. And the pidgeon flaps off to land on our roof. But not on the spine, on the edge in the back, where they are no spikes. The Mad Scientist screams in frustration.

But today, all was well. Eddie watched as two pidgeons start to land on the fireplace. The pidgeons (never gracefull) has to pull up. Eddie laughed (in that mad-scientist laugh) as they had to pull up. ungracefully. As we pull away - no pidgeons on roof.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Let's Play Jeporday!!!!

So the catagory is; things that make Scott go dizzy.

Alex, I will take Scott for 600.
Alex, in his best groucho marx impression, We'll he's been had for less. - Swtiching back to the Jeporday Voice, And the answer is 160 /120.

Buzz: What is 1 and 1/3?
Alex: Sorry. Fractions don't make him dizzy.

Buzz: What are the numer of dates he had one sumer as a bartender?
Alex: Judges? Judges rule. No. No proof of dizzyness in 1994. A big smile perhaps.

Buzz: What is his blood pressure.
Alex: Correct. Yesterday at 2PM Scott had a doctor's appointment for dissyness, He had stayed home from work and slept most of the day. And still, at 2PM, his blood pressure was 160 /120. That, my firends was the lowest of the 4 readers by 2 nurses adn a docotr that I received.

My doctor and nurse (Nurse Karyn was just recently a mascot of the day) prepared me that I might have to be wheled into the hospital ASAP. There seem to be some small chance my head would explode like a big zit.

...subtle mood change in story...

But they laid me down, gentle undressed me, and carassingly put eletroniconitors tapd to my quivering flesh. Karyn's soft warm hands brushed across my torso as she ever so gently taped down implements to me. The she hooked monitors and wires to them from a spunky little humming machine. I knew in my brain I was about to have a 3 way with Princess Lai and R2D2 here - and is it really cheeting if it's being filmed?

She said,.. no she purred, just lay back you won't feel a thing. Her wam smile bathed my toso in the sunshine that was Karyn. I asked, "Can you turn it up a little - so I have something to remember this by"

The EKG hummed, my lines were strong. They POPPEd up and down LIKE clock work. Up and down... up and down... I wanted to speak to Karyn, but she was under the spell of the rythum. Doctor Gary walked in and was also in shock at my steady up and down up and down. A word slipped out as he watched, "Impressive."

I could have gone on all day, but Karyn had reached her limit. She shut of the machine and read the results once her breath slowed back to normal.

Great news, the super high blood pressure has NOT harmed your heart. (They were very happy about this news.)

I smile (she deserved the smile for a job well done keeping up with me). Ahhh... I said, I am strong like bull.

... mood switch 2...

Then Doctor Gary gave me some bills to bring it down slowly and I have to go back on Monday. This week-end no liquor or whatever. I will try to go caffine free, but that will be tough.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

So there becomes a moment

So there is a moment (I guess "becomes a moment" - while filled with the essence of dramatic license, not such good English) when you change your thoughts on your mom once again.

When you are little, she is your saviour, unless - you know - she won't give you cookies; then kind of bitch (even though you don't know the word).

Then you grow up and she is that witch that won't let you stay out late, unless - you know - your heart is broken by some bimbo and she makes you feel all better; then she is really sweet (but you never admit it).

Then you grow up, and she is a friend and a confidant, unless - you know - you need a mom's shoulder to cry on; then she is always there (and you feel good enough to tell her).

And then she gets to retire before you and live the life of liesure. Then, well, now you know the word.

Congrats. Mom. I am jealous.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Today, from our DUH files

Susan Collins from Maine says today, I heard the clip, she says...

If we do not make reforms, people we assume from the Jack Abramof scandal that Congress is responsible to Lobbyist, not the people.

To which one must answer, Duh.

Let's see in the House they gerrymander the districts so that I have no real vote in the election.

Then MY representative votes a strict party line or they don't receive the funds to run again (which they really don't need since they have gerrymandered the district, but which flows to their campaign teams - like their wives and kids).

Let's see, a California Republican goes out of his way to get an Indian Casino approved in Massachusetts.
Randy - Duke - Cunningham sold his 700,000 house for 2 Million to a defense contractor. And Randy sits on the Military Appropriations committee.
David Dryer, one of the Highest Ranking Republican members, Head of the Rules Committee and sits on the Appropriates Committee is a nice gay man from Ontario. He co-sponsors anti-gay legislation.
And Democrats would do the same thing if they were in charge.

So, Dear Ms. Collins, we already know you and 534 of your closest friends, don't represent us. We already know that the reforms, if made, will contain the loopholes needed so the lobbyists, corporations, and huge donors can continue to run the country. We are just trying to get through the day without getting too hosed. Don't insult our intelligence as well.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Here is my question

You know that Viagra commercial where the guy walks around the office and everyone tries to guess what is different about him. Does he take Viagra just to have a boner around the office?

Or is he just not a king sized a-hole today because he got laid. Wow Jack, I hear them say (I cannot use quotes when blogging from mail), you are in a great mood. Did the little woman finally give it up last night.

And what does this say about men? If we aren't getting any people can tell, just from looking at us. Oh Jack, the secretary says patiently, Cindy told me about your, you know, little teeny problem. You wonder you are such a butthead at work.

Hey, be a real man. Put in some time for her. She'll thank you.

Just thoughts on a windy morning.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Death Valley Eddie

So we went to Death Valley for Eddie's birthday. It was a lot cooler than we thought. This is a picture of the three of us at the RaceTrack. The RaceTrack is where the rocks move across a dry lackbed, but they have never be seen moving, only the tracks.

We also played on the sand dunes - which was very cool.

This is a picture of Eddie and I at Ubehebe Crater. By the way, Ubehebe Crater was where hot moltan lava was in the ground, and then water went in. After it got superheated, the top blew off. It was really cool.

We stayed at the Furance Creek Inn, it is on the Register of Historic Places. It was a great trip. We didn't expect it to be as cool as it was. Here are the pictures (and here are Lynn's).

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

The Golden Globes Return to Form . . .

And the people rejoice.

Yes, the frivolity was a little forced. But I think the Golden Globes got the hint that turning into the Oscars Lite wasn't working for them. So it was back to too much drinking, sitting the TV folks way up in the balcony and general looseness.

I loved it.

For those of you that did not watch (which are probably many), I must regale you with one (and only one) story.

Genna Davis (who is like 9 feet tall and wore a kick-ass red dress) won the Best TV Dramatic Actress Award, for Commander in Chief. You know, where she plays the President.

She gets to the Podium and says, "You know, as I was walking up the Red Carpet tonight, I felt a tug on my dress. And there was this 8 or 10 year old girl, you know in her first party dress, and she says, "Because of you, I want to be President."

And the theater applauds and there is a giant "ahhh" through the Beverly Wilshire Ballroom. The camera even zooms in on Gwenth Paltrow who is misting up (of course, she is pregnant and hormonal again so she mists up a lot).

The Genna Davis looks at the statue, back and the audience and says, "Okay. That didn't happen. But IT COULD HAVE. I mean in like the farmlands of Nebraska or something." Pause "And, if it did it would make all this worth it." Pause, underbreath, "You know, for one child." I laughed my ass off.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Is it just LA or everywhere

So, on the back of minivans in LA - there are a bunch of people who put on stickers of families. Like dad, mom, daughters, sons in desending heights.

Under these, they put the first name of the kids.

It is primarily Mexicans or Armenians in LA. Does it happen everywhere, or just LA.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Harmon or Audrie

This is Suzanne's dog, Harmon (or Audrie - I don't which is which). Suzanne was watching the two puppies for a friend who had a baby. Ultimately Suzanne got the pup herself.

Republicans Have Found A New Enemy

From the "help me before I eat again" files, there was a nugget in the Financial Times yesterday. Drudgie linked to it.

The headline is Conservatives call for return to core Republican principles. Really? So the Republicans have decided that Washington corrupts and it needs a change. A change to...Republicans. Because, apparently, controlling the House, the Senate, the Presidency and the Supreme Court isn't enough to keep Republicans ... you know... Republicanish.

No, just in time for the 2006 elections they have decided to campaign against corruption. Even if that means against themselves. Their old selves of course. Primarily their old selves that have ALREADY been caught.

I have a campaign slogan for them.

Vote For Me in 2006. This Time Maybe I Won't Rob You Blind. ... Oh Yea, No Gay Marriage.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Mascot for February: Jillian

Jillian Barberie is the our local weather wench. You may have seen her on Fox Football broadcast. She basically gives the weather at the football site. She is kind of ... trampy.

But that is not why she is mascot of the month. No, she is the mascot because she cracked us up over Christmas. During one of the morning shows over Christmas, Jillian showed up in, what I hope, was an inebriated state. She showed up the Friday before Christmas in sweat pants, flip flops with her little puppy white dog.

But even that doesn't win a space as Mascot of the Month. No, she actually was showing the weather as a church choir was singing carols in the background. So far, so un-sacreligious. But then she began to dance to the choir in a irreverent and funny manor. Funny and irreverent TO RELIGIOUS CAROLS.

And, danced poorly. Pretty, boob-a-licious Jillian has no rythum. Now that is mascot worthy.

Monday, January 09, 2006

New Cars at the LA Auto Show - and Why Not

So, I want to go to the LA Auto Show. Ed does not want to go because he is afraid of the "iwannas" (as in I want a new fill-in-the-blank). You see I love my truck, but I do kind of like the new Honda Civic SI and the new Volkswagen EOS (which is a hardtop convertible). They are both cool.

Then this morning I was reminded why I love the truck. I was driving to work along Santa Monica Blvd, and I hear a siren. I can't see anything, but there is a bus blocking my view of a side street (a side street I know that harbors a Fire Station). I apply my brakes and see a car behind me not slow down. I tap them trying to get his attention.

I slowly pass the bus, and see the EMT truck barreling down the road. I stop and , sure as shit, the guy behind me plows underneath me. I hear the scrape, and pull over. He has a slope nosed blue car, which isn't in that bad of a shape since most of the slope went under me (as he was braking).

We get out, he walks to my track and says, "It doesn't look like a lot of damage to you." "Nope," I say, "the truck is fine."

He says, "Well I rather just walk away from this if it is okay with you." No problem and off I go. This is like the 3rd time I have been slightly rear ended in going to work, and no problems with the truck yet. I doubt the Civic SI would hold up as well.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

I will torture if I damn well feel like it

Well, as you know President Bush signed the law that prohibited torture. Right?

Well, he did. But if you read his signing statement (which no one does, but you can see it via the White House web site), Bush reserves the right to ignore the torture section. He also believes that if you are tortured, you can't sue (" noting that the text and structure of Title X do not create a private right of action to enforce Title X, the executive branch shall construe Title X not to create a private right of action"). Nor does it apply to an emeny combatant held overseas (but we don't torture there).

You government in action (and if you are smart you will shut your mouth about it).


Well, so much for mommyhood being tough on people. I used to work with Katherine and Bridget (Bridget at two places). Well this is Bridget and her daughter Sydney. Sydney is going on 3(?) and Bridget works full time. She looks great, doesn't she. Yeah, I haven't had a kid and I have gained a zillion pounds since we worked together.

So Katherine looks great. Bridget looks great. I may have to adjust my thinking on that whole mommyhood is tough on you. I still don't want kids, but now I won't warn people about so quickly.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Ed's Pics

Well, my Eddie is using his new camara, and his Christmas Pictures (Telephoto lens and Adobe software) to take cool pics of the rain.
So, the weather in LA turns great tomorrow (65 no rain, 75 the rest of the week). You know why? Because the Rose Parade was today, and the gods of football are complianing about the BCS (the gods of football are big fans of the Traditional PAC 10, BIG10 match up). You know who is playing in the Rose Bowl? TEXAS! Texas is not in the PAC 10 or the Big 10! And the Rose Bowl should be played right after the Rose Parade, but the football game is now two days after the Parade for better TV ratings.

See, it is simple. Don't piss off the football gods.