Monday, February 28, 2005

Here is how to make Sideways the Oscar winner

They should have released an extra version of Sideways JUST for the Acadamy.

In that version, at the end of the movie Virginia Madsen and Paul Giamiti could both decide they really should be together. The could drive towards each other (one from Santa Barbara and one from San Diego). On the 118 outside of Fillmore they see each other across the highway, Virginia honks and waves. This causes Paul to turn his head, just long enough to crash his car.

Then Virginia Madsen - who up until this point in the movie has delivered a PERFECT performance that moves you - could goes ass over teacups over the top. Maybe pull out a long ago hick accent and deliver a slobbering maddingly affected performance. Hell - it works for H Swank all the time.

Then Thomas Haden Church, another perfect performance, but apparently too funny, could come to the hospital Denounce his philandering ways. Cry and break down. Off course that Oscar would still go Morgan Freeman because he has been in the movies for years and deserved it. See - unknown to you and I the Best Performance for an Actor in a Supporting Role and been amended to Most Deserving Actor who did a fine job and Really should have won this award years ago.

Just like Best Actress in Starring Role has been renamed as MOST Acting in a Star Role.

I hear in 2007 Hillary will act again when the technology allows the actress to actually reach out from the screen and hit you with a 2x4. The beating will stop once you admit that "Yes, yes you deserve the award. Stop hitting me!" -THWACK THWACK "Okay, okay!AND- I really didn't see that necklace Movie you did. I'll netflix it when I get home."

And then the beating will stop and the excessive, mannerred, dialected overacting will resume.

Friday, February 25, 2005

I really don't care about the Oscars

I think it must be that I didn't see enough of the movies. I would hate to think it is age settling in.

But I don't really care about the Oscars. Jamie Fox will win for Ray. He was great. great but not write home great. And the mere idea of Million Dollar Baby makes me crabby.

Oh well. Whatever. If they gad best puppet sex scene, Team America would WALK OFF with that sum-b'ch.

What the hell is micro-fiber and can I make a suit out of it

So, I am testing underwear. Yes, every few years I retest underwear by wearing different kinds to see what I like. I like the "idea" of boxer/Briefs, but I hate the little line on your thigh, so I have usually stuck with Calvin Klien ribbed jockey-style.

Well, I am trying some new Unico stuff. They have all been good. But today I am wearing the "microfiber" briefs. What the hell is micro-fiber?! I mean this is a party in my pants! I expect a thank you note from my testicals any minute now. Really, I feel like Homer Simpson, but instead of "Um.... donuts", I am like "Ummm... microfiber!"

It's nice.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

How busy am I?

So busy I haven't been able to post for a while. I have been working.

If by "working" you mean answering the phone and getting yelled at by people from around the globe! I love management.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Hollywood Freeway

For thos of you who have traveled from downtown to our house, this is the Hollywood Freeway at Santa Monica (less than 2 miles from us). I'm glad we live on high ground.



The pic below is closer to our house, but the freeway is higher there.


Rain rain- go away

The rain hasn't been as bad as you might be lead to believe on the news. Don't get me wrong. It sucks and all - but we have been spared (house-wise) to date (knock wood).

Last night in our neighborhood, 4 inches of rain fell in 2 hours, apparently closing the Hollywood Freeway. That was a first! But our house and area is okay. You always have to say that with the additive - for now. Because you really don't know when the ground is so soaked it just slides down the hill.

Any-who, so far so good. Just wanted to pass it on.

scooter

Friday, February 18, 2005

Ed's Home sick, so I can write this quick - updated

Eddie has suggested that writing about Bush's antics are increasingly like teaching a cat to sing. It frustrates me, and annoyes the cat. So I have not been posting - I have been a good boy.

But if you haven't been following the Jeff Gannon story you have missed the fun.

And, of course, it wasn't picked up until it turned out there was a gay-prostitute angle. So wait, let me understand this. The White House gives daily press passes to avoid a background check to a fake news reported. The news reporter asks softball questions ("How do you deal with members of the party that seem removed from reality?"). Nothing. Said "reporter" turns out to leak NATIONAL SECURITY information out. Nothing. Said reporter turns out to be (not been - be) a male prostitue. News.

Well, once it turns out that he was a male prostitute he is no longer a conservative. No, now "Anybody who publishes sexually explicit photos of himself on a website in hopes of making money as a hooker is no conservative. Not in this lifetime. Not on this planet. The person in those photos is a pig and a pervert. "

And, in my favorite set of comments, there are those conservatives suggesting that we leave Jeff (whose real name is James) private life out of it. NewsFlash. Private is getting a hummer from an intern in the Oval Office. Professional is your job. If you advertise that your job is having sex with men, and verbally abusing them - and you demand payment by the hour. Well that is not only illigeal - it is your profession. Not your "private life". "Private life" is when someone does that to you.

FYI- what main-stream media finally broke the story. ABC? NBC? Fox "News"? Ummm... no. Comedy Central's the Daily Show.

Updated by Scooter.

Here is the Presidential news conference where Jeff asked his question. The original transcript where the President says "Jeff?" is editted out, but you can find it if you search on his question: "Q Thank you. Senate Democratic leaders have painted a very bleak picture of the U.S. economy. Harry Reid was talking about soup lines, and Hillary Clinton was talking about the economy being on the verge of collapse.(Note from Scott - actually this is a lie. Harry Reid never discussed soup kitchens, and Hillary Clinton never said the economy was on the verge of collapse - but let's not let a little truth ever come out.) Yet, in the same breath, they say that Social Security is rock-solid and there's no crisis there. How are you going to work -- you said you're going to reach out to these people -- how are you going to work with people who seem to have divorced themselves from reality? "

This doesn't bode well...

The last Survivor was dull dull dull. One of the reasons was that all the hotties were voted off early by the old guys (under the premise that the young guys would be a bigger threat later). It didn't work for the old men (who the women picked off, until a stupid power play) and it made the show - if not dull, particularly unattractive to watch.

Last night the first boy that got the boot (actually didn't get picked to go on) followed that story line. I don't like it. The poor guy had new blond tips, had beaten testicular cancer and his grandma was his hero.


Not a good sign for the upcoming season.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

I used to think Jose Cancesco was a hottie

I remember one of the first pictures of boys I had ever put up, was the SI cover with Jose Cancseo on the front. I thought he was dreamy....



In retrospect, knowing it was steroids I am appall.... wait. I still think he was dreamy.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

NoPMS Story

Apparently the population of wild moose in Norway has struggled of late. Not only that, but there have been increasing reports of injured moose(s). (Actually I believe that moose is both the singular and plural of moose, but for the purpose of clarity we will be using the terms mooses to refer to more than one).

Well the Norwegian People for Moose Support (NoPMS), have investigated the issue, and their results are surprising. It seems that NoPMS found out that our understanding of mooses’ sexuality has been sorely lacking. It seems that mooses (unlike other animals – say Elk) do not grow horns to attract mates. Nor are the males brightly colored (like birds). No, the healthy male moose has little to distinguish itself from a sickly male, so it has resorted to stealth.

What the male moose does is hide in the woods (it also shits in the woods, but so does the Pope so that is neither here nor there). Then it spots a couple of female, usually discussing what ever it is that female mooses discuss. Once the male spots them, it runs a full tilt at the female moose, bounding quickly as possible and landing on the female moose’s back. It then (put this delicately) slips the moose the mickey – and wanders off on his way satisfied. The female moose (not quite finished at the end of it all – but (as NoPMS says) what else is new) can support the sudden weight of Mr. 2.5 seconds because her comrade is there to work as a backstop.

Herein lies the problem. Some male mooses (notoriously near-sighted) are confused by short ugly cars. Since the introduction of the Ford Focus throughout Norway, the male moose population –those that lives near cities – have been launching themselves at the back of the stubby little autos. The drawback of having moose .. shall we say… excitement on the rear window, pales in comparison to the decline of the moose population.


As the population decreases, there are less moose to coffee klatch in the woods. Even those males that correctly identify a female moose – and launch themselves appropriately – now have a high incident of harming the female. Let’s face it, it takes some strong ankles to hold up a moose that has leaped onto your back (even if it is only for a few seconds), without a friend, the incidence of moose sprained angels grows exponentially.

What to do? NoPMS has a unique solution. They have begun to hang, throughout the woods, large prophylactic rubber bands between trees. The female moose, wandering and grazing happily, will wander into the rubber band (females are notoriously single minded as they graze). The male, seeing the female slightly tangled, will take this moment to pounce. The rubber band will then serve at the backstop moose surrogate.

Voila – you have a female moose that will not have sprained angles. A male moose that is satisfied. And maybe more that 2.5 seconds so the occasionally the female moose might have a little fun to boot.

FYI – I don’t find the current news cycle funny.

Monday, February 14, 2005

A Valentine Ending

Well, some of us have good days. Some of us have BF's that make us very happy. I am one of those people. My valentine is a sweetie.

My Valentine

But it is nice when a Valentine's Day story has a happy ending. A sick, twisted, disgusting happy ending.

Friday, February 11, 2005

On a Happier Note

On a happier note, I think it should be a fun week-end. We are going to see Bride and Prejudice (not a mis-type) a Bollywood / Hollywood thang. It should be fun.

And we are looking at furniture for the bedroom.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Ikea - Not so much fun

You know, I like Ikea. There are, like, 5 in LA. They are easy in and out (now - not in the beginning) and a grat place to buy rugs, light bulbs, lamps and candles.

But when they first open, they are nightmares. I saw it in Burbank with Store 1 here. I saw it in the Minni-Apple around the time of Urs' graduation party.

Now in London - there was a riot. Apparently $60 sofas and $45 beds are enough to fight over. Fight a dislocate a security gaurds jaw!

Oh those proper Brits.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Happy New Year!!!!

It is Chinese (Lunar) New Year. So happy year of the Rooster everyone!


The Rooster Years are considered very lucky and good. So that is great. By the way, my Eddie was born in the year of the Horse, and I (with Joc) was born in the year of the Pig (any hold your horses, because Pigs are well respected in the Orient missy!).

Check yourself if you don't believe me.


Hey - Remember that Drug Giveaway to big bus...

I mean, Hey, Remember that Perscription Drug Program.
Remember how it was going to cost $400 over 10 years - not a penny more.
Remember how 2 months after it was passed it turned out to be $550 billion - and that Smirky knew it and threatened to fire the Budget Director if he told the truth.
Well, it turns out that it isn't going to be $550 billion. Yes, it still hasn't been put into effect, but the cost is know $1.2 Trillion. I guess $1.2 Trillion looks less of a lie than $1,200 Billion.

Yea, I will post something funny later.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

The Budget is a step forward - ish

Okay, first let me say the good stuff. I think the budghet is a step forward. Yes, it will hurt agri-business in California (and probably the mid-west), but the subsidies were to protect farmers - not agri-business. Capping them at $250,000 a year per farm makes a little sense to me. Maybe I am wrong - it wouldn't be the first time, but it makes sense.

Then there is the nincompoopery...

The Washington Post talked to the Budget Director. The asked him why the cost of reforming Social Security or the $80BILLION dollars for fighting in Iraq and Afganistan weren't in the budget. Answer

For example, Bolten granted that it is certain that more money will
be needed for Iraq and Afghanistan in 2006 and beyond. "But," he added, "it
wouldn't be responsible for us to take a guess at what those costs are."


So therefore you shouldn't add in savings that aren't approved either, right? Wrong.

Yet, moments later, Bolten explained why it was perfectly
responsible to guess about new revenue from drilling in the Arctic National
Wildlife Refuge -- even though such a program has not been approved by Congress.
"Well," he said, "the budget is the right place to present the entirety of the
president's policies, so all of his proposals are reflected in there
."

Your tax dollars at work.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Happy Music to Drive to...

Okay, I know that my musical taste tends towards bad disco as a rule (or as John would say... ssssuuuuccks). Be that as it may.

I have found a great album to drive to. And it is so not my style. It's Kenny Chesney's new "Be As You Are.." album.



It is light country and calypso. Really. And it sounds bizar, but it is really cool. And, in case you think I am enamerred with his cute-ness - wrong! He has lost muscle and is bald (not that there is anything wrong with that). No, this is just an easy happy album. About people who have left snow and stress to find a simple life they like. It really calms me down in the car on my drive.

And, even weirder for a country album, he talks about needing to destress with (on one song) a Gitar and Tiki Bar. And (on another song) a cooler and a bong. You don't really hear stuff like that from a country guy.

So there you go. Give it a listen. The first two songs are kind of country to ease his fan base into the album, but it is a cool album.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Aingst

I don't know if that is how you spell Aingst. Hopefully spellchecker will shed some light on the proper care and feeding of the word. Alls I know is that I feel it slightly.

I know I am old. I guess as you get older you see less and less of people. I don't really like it.

Lynn is selling us her part of he house in the desert. Her job is changing, and she has committments in LA and all of that is fine, but it is aingst-y for me. I already hardly see Gavin and Mickey (Gavin works with Ed, so that is enough contact with us). I don't see Ron much anymore. I don't see my friends in England since my work has shifted to an Asian (and soon mid-East) direction. My mom lives far away. I do see more of Bradley as he has moved east-erly, so that is nice. Lauren's gone. Zela's gone.

I'm aingsty. I know I should just get over it, but ... whatever.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

By the way

By the way...

In case you couldn't tell, the State of the Union speech kind of depressed me.

My original plan

My original plan was to buy a place outside of the country, so when the Dear Leader starts rounding up the fags, I have a place to go. (As of now I am just a threat to America's childern - if things go wrong I am sure I will be upgraded to a threat to the nation.)

But the kibosh was put on my plans do to a poorly built escape home in Costa Rica. But it was pretty to look at (Ronnie Roo took these pictures, and STILL brought home a bad report!)..


From the porch to the sea.

From the Sea to the Porch.

I just shouldn't listen

You know I love my Republican friends. I really do. Just as I knew that they love us. Perhaps it would be better in the future if I just didn't listen to their lying leader.

His recommittment to fiscal responsability ("The principle here is clear: a taxpayer dollar must be spent wisely, or not at all.") didn't sound hollow at all. He is like a little baby - who was just born into the world of mean ole deficits. He'll fix 'em!

Well, at least he is protecting American jobs, you know, unless a Mexican will do it cheaper ("It is time for an immigration policy that permits temporary guest workers to fill jobs Americans will not take, .."). I have actually been to parts of the country where Mexican jobs (fast food, bus boys, gardners) were done by regular people. Maybe just Americans in the border states won't take them.

Oh well, why go on? The speech doesn't mean anything. A couple of years ago there was yellow cake and millions of tons of nerve gas in Iraq. We overthrew a tyrant and now there are elections. Guess which part made this year's speech? There is a handy guide to the last 3 state of the union addresses - and the lies therein. I'll update when we have a little time to address this one.


Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Reporter is a Republican Plant

So why oh why if Clinton did it people was raise the issue and trash him, but if Bush does it - alls is well.

Imagine the Clinton White House had a plant in the press corp. Not just a welcoming writer, but a plant? They'ld lynch him. But not Smirky.

No Cause for Alarm

You know, in the old days - they would just kill the Pope and we would be off to the races. Now adays we got to listen to drivel like this.


Cause for alarm?

First - the Pope doesn't really look like that. They clearly airbrushed Cardinal Holds-The-Pope's-Head-Up-In-Pictures out of this shot. We have seen him in video. The poor man can't be allowed to age ungracefully.

Second - We haven't been able to understand a word he has said for 10 years. Of course there is no cause for alarm. He mumbles, and 20 cardinals rush to tell us what he said. His spinners could give George Dubya's a run for their money. (And only in the Vatican would you find someone to give Karl Rove a run for his money in deviousness.)

Finally, I miss the pope-mobile. I saw his holiness in the LA Colosium back in the 1980s. Back when he could still speak, stand and bless the crackers. Back then, he rocked and the Pope-Mobile was cool.

And have you seen the pictures where the doves attack him? The poor pope.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Busy Busy Busy

I have been swampped with work and have fallen down here on the blogging. So let me recap the last few days.

Weather - well great. No one who leaves back east (of Las Vegas) wants to hear about that.
Oscars - Million $ Baby. Pu-lease. No Paul Giamati? Pu-lease.
Purchase of Costa Rico property - fell through
Mom - your posts worked, they just took a little while
Work - I still love work with a depth and breath unmatched by any other true love of my life. You had me at "You're late."

Lleyton - Mascot for the Month

Lleyton, poor poor Lleyton. He came within a hair's breath being the first Aussie to win the Aussie Open in 30 years. But he just couldn't quite do it. He played two 5 set games to get to the finals. He also beat Andy Rodrick in the Semi's - only to fall to Marat in the finals.

But he will always be a winner in our book. Because of the cute hair, cute hat, nifty name (double L's and a y in it) and the fact he introduced the sleaveless shirt to tennis.