Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Trevor has a Scooter like attention span

So I take Trevor out for his morning pee today. And there is a very little snow on the ground. We have been out in the ice, and out in the very very cold, but never out in the snow.

Trevor is alternately fasinated, annoyed, amused and confused. The snow is fun! Wait, the snow is cold! Wait, it is cushy!

Wow, it you can even taste it, it tastes like - Dog! Dog! New dog! Hello little Welsh Terrier 8 month old pup (named Zoey!). Have you seen the snow? Oh, you pee'd there, I gotta pee right now! Ouw, cold again!

This went on our entire walk. He could not focus himself for the 3 seconds it takes him to pee. I know he went home with at least 3/4's of a tank left. I am going to hope it is melted by this afternoon's walk.

Monday, January 29, 2007

We're home

Well, we are back from Palm Springs. Here is a news flash. "Freezing" running from the Jaquzzi to the bedroom is not the same as "Freezing" when walking the puppy in New York.

In New York, "Freezing" is really really cold.

Anyway, Palm Springs was great. We saw our friends, we played cards, Muffin made Eddie a fun-fetti cake for his birthday.

And we were told that we have never looked so pasty in our lives. Okay, that part wasn't great, but the rest of it was really cool.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Fernando Gonzalez

Well this Chilean is tearing it up. He plays Tommy Haas next.

He beat Rafeal Nadal in the last match. James Blake the match before that. And Lleyton the match before that. So, even though I was rooting for the other one everytime, I have to say congrats to you. Good luck Tommy.

Although my wishes for good luck at bad luck. Andy was hammered by Roger Federerer.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Kerry has decided against a 2008 run

Well that is one good bit of news. The most boring man in all the land will not be running again.

It's like cigarettes

Whenever I'm stuck with a day that's grey and lonely. I just lift up my chin and grin and saaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy..
I'ld like a bag of hot tamales. Nice big, make-my-breath-stink, hot tamales. Come what may.
I love you, Tamales
You're just an elevator away.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Fun at the Open

Well 2 fun things at the Aussie Open.

1. Andy goes into the semi's on a good win streak. He will need it he plays Federererer.

And 2. Tommy Haas has come back. He plays Rafael Nadel on the other side, but I am impressed Tommy has come back. Tommy Haas is a German that hit his peak about 5 years ago. He seemed hurt and played out and has worked hard to come back. So a little congrats and picture of Tommy.

Tommy playing well

Tommy relaxing well.

State of the Union: Location Makes a Difference

I like the State of the Union speech better in Los Angeles. Oh, I know that sounds silly, but hear me out.

At home you have a full day. Maybe you are home by 5:30 or 6 PM. The big government music SWELLS as the President walks into the Congress. Everyone applauds, the camera turns to see who the First Lady is sitting with tonight.

The speech starts and drowns on. During this time you maybe walk your dog, go through your junk mail, listen to your phone messages. The President’s Speech, if you happen to catch parts of it at all, doesn’t sound quite so much like he is a lying hypocrite as much as he is just part of the background of white noise of your daily life. Sure, not one word out of his smirky mouth is true, but neither is the mail that offers pills to “melt the pounds off”. It isn’t “offensively” un-true.

It is a little more annoying if you get caught driving home, but only because the President pre-empts most of the traffic alerts.

Here, Presidential speeches start at 9:00PM. You are in for the night, probably watching TV and on your second or third glass of wine. You are enjoying the mindless entertainment of the idiot box and you have forgotten the worries of the day. One makes a valiant effort, in fact, to move on from anger and despair over the situation in the world and just to sit happily in your nice little home with your bf and your dog.

Then your pleasant night is ripped away from you by the parade of the State of the Union. The President gets up to tell us all a bunch of stuff he will never do and other stuff meant to scare us into submission (Mars Mission – anyone remember that; Iraq with Uranium – anyone remember that; Social Security Reform, Axis of Evil, With us or with the Terrorists). My buzz is gone and my head wants to explode.

So I think I will skip tonight’s Parade of Lies and Parody of Compassion. As he bankrupts the country to give tax breaks to his oil friends and leaves us with a worthless currency and a debt of impossible size (even the Dread Pirate Roberts would be hard pressed to face those). As he twists the Iraq Study Group’s report from “Begin Diplomacy with Iran” into “Threaten Iran and Attack them in Iraq” – all while claiming to listen. I think I have heard enough of this man.

works sucks

I hate work. I mean I don't hate working, but I hate it when you do your best and you are ignored or completely mis-understood. It is deflating.

ps - if bugged me in LA when all I heard was "I miss seasons. I miss the colors. I miss the seasons." FYI- seasons suck. There is a reason the mall is always 72 degrees.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Yesterday was my Eddie's birthday

Yesterday was Eddie's big 4-0. We had discussed what to do and where to go, but ultimately he had to work and we decided to go to Palm Springs next week-end. To actually celebrate his 40th we are going to CapeTown in November.

All of which is fine, but he turned 40 yesterday with a minimal amount of fuss. Which wasn't really fine.

He and I couldn't even spend the day bumbling around because it was too cold.

At like 7PM I desperately wanted to call up Lynn and Bradley to go drink Margaritas and eat Mexican food. Or go over to Gavin and Mickey's and play cards. But we are here in the city of few friends so it was a little bit of a bust.

Luckily the football game got interesting and we watched that (wooo..)

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Liv Tyler on the plane

So I was on a flight the other day for a quick trip to LA from New York. I had been upgraded with vouchers at the last minutes so I dwaddle into my seat (1A).

Right before we take off a clearly celebrity and her group comes on. It turns out it was Liv Tyler, her husband, her baby and her nanny. Through a set of bad reservations, they were sitting in 1B, 1E, 2A and 3A. Not good. Well, I offered to change so that the family could sit together. Not because it was Liv Tyler, but because it was nice to do (and I didn't want to sit by the 2 year old by myself.).

Ultimately the group took their seats.

I flew back home the next day (I said it was quick) and had the same flight attendent (Wes) who had also worked business on that flight. We talked and Wes informed me that Liv Tyler was veyr nice, the child was reasonably nice, but the nanny was a bitch! I thought it was funny.

The husband, by the way, so not what I expected. He is a fop haired blond british guy. Definately in that fey "he's cute and little and isn't he gay?" way that some Brits have. He was much shorter than her and ... well he looked gay to me.

I found out from next week's People edition that the kid's name is Milo and she was in Paris for the new shows. And, for my nerd computer friends, she was Arwen in Lord of the Rings.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

As we said, Lleyton be gone...

Of course, Lleyton pulled his normal Aussie Open choke. He cannot win at home. And so we root for Rafel Nadal and Andy Roddrick.

Andy, of course, because he is a happy go lucky Yank.

And Rafel... Well, he is cute as a little Spanish bug.

So I always wondered..

So when visiting the colder climates in the past I have often wondered how people lived there. For example, when visiting New York or London in the winter, you are overly hot in the house. Then you pile on the clothes so as you walk outside you don't freeze to death.

Then you go in the (shop, theater, whatever) you are burning up and dragging your coat, hat and gloves and you start to sweat. Then you go outside, after bundling up all sweaty and gross from the store, and you freeze.

And I always thought to myself, "People who live here must know the trick to this." And I, naively, thought it would come to me.

You know the secret? ... There isn't one! All you do is sweat and freeze and sweat and freeze and apparently this occurs all winter long.

So again I must ask, how do people live like this?

Friday, January 19, 2007

Yea, I hit the wall

So everyone expects that I will be bad in the snow. No, I am okay.

See what I don’t like is the White Death. You know when you fly over the middle of the country and the entire ground is covered in this freezing white blanket. Really, I know the minute that plane goes down, everyone buddies-up for Cannibal partners. And I have gained weight. I could provide for a family of 4 for a week.

Well, in New York the snow doesn’t stick – so there is no white death blanket. It’s kinda pretty. Cold, but that isn’t horrible. I am doing okay.

So last night I am walking home, and I was oh so close to the condo. And it started to snow lightly. Have you ever walked in a light snow. It was magical.

Then it snowed a little harder, magic factor going down, hurring factor going up.

Then I realized it was snowing hard. Not just that, but the snow was landing on my jacket and not melting. I am sure this is normal. I am positive it is normal.

However I seemed to over react a little. All I could think of was, “White Death! White Death! It burns!!!” I didn’t actually run home, but I started to walk more quickly.

The snow stuck to me. Me! The White Death was attacking me personally. I was going to become like a walking snow drift. It would just be me, unable to get away. I didn’t even have a cannibal to buddy up with.

I got home and my boyfriend. That wonderful wonderful hunk of burning love, walked the dog again at night. Because I know it was waiting for me.

I haven't heard a good blonde joke in a while

But I was sent this today...

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.

The driver dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated."What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirrorin her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Yes I moved all the old ones to this site

Well, the new Nincompoopery didn't work on small screens (although it looked aces on a wide screen computer) - so it's back to the drawing board.

Actually it is back to the version that worked with a few tweeks. I brought over the new pictures, updated the links and generally spiffed the place up. But I lost the comments for he last 2 weeks. No worries - we will all have plenty of time to be nasty in the future :-)

ps - It's snowing! It is pretty until the little flakes of white death actually land on you - then I freak out a tiny bit.

It's like ex-Pats

It's interesting. We have made some more friends here, but often the people are people we meet in LA (even if they aren't from LA). We had lunch the other day with a guy who left LA right before us (Paul K) and went to San Francisco. He ended up San Francisco -> Des Moines -> New York. We have re-meet a bunch of other people who were in LA for a while.

I totally see why ex-Pats (living in a foreign country for work) hang out together. You can laugh at the same things and enjoy the same things about the new city.

It's been fun and we have been haning out with more people

Hi, I'm the President and I'm 12 Years Old

What are you, in freakin grade school? We elected you President, you idiot. Our plan was to find the WMD and get the hell out. That was our plan. What is your plan? You have sent in 100s of thousands of US men and women into Iraq because you had to prove your manhood. News flash ..We don't need a plan, we need a new planner.

Giant Bunny for food in North Korea?

One wonders if this is an early April Fool's Joke from the London Times. The story of a German who raises giant bunny rabbits. And the North Korean party official who purchased a breading stock (8 females and 4 males) for North Korea's people to start eating.

Either way, it is a big bunny and some good fixin's.

I am going to really miss Debbie Allen this year

Well, it’s Oscar time. And if you want to know what a bunch of stiffs are in contention, take a look at Lisa Hunt and my arguments over who belongs in…

See, that’s the point. Neither of us gives a big hairy fart this year. The movies were a cornucopia of mediocrity. Not bad, just not exciting. If this was 1976ish (the year Star Wars got a nomination) then at least I could be excited and hope the Casino Royal gets a nod. But the Academy has grown even more staid, old and dull – if that were possible.

In 1939 movies didn’t have to be box office duds to be nominated:
1939 Best Picture nominees
Dark Victory
Gone with the Wind <- #1 Gross in 39 Goodbye, Mr. Chips
Love Affair
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington <- #3 Gross in 39 Ninotchka
Of Mice and Men
The Wizard of Oz <- #4 Gross in 39
Wuthering Heights

They were big money makers. Of the top 5 that yea 1, 3 and 4 were nominated (missing was #2, Hunchback of Notre Dame and #5 Jesse James.

And don’t tell me they were all serious and staid. Have you seen Gone with the Wind? Viviane Lee chewed so much scenery in that movie it is amazing the staircase was left standing.

So what are we left with this year?

Babel: A well-conceived puzzle of interconnectivity. Yes, I get it, if a butterfly flaps his wings in Morocco a hurricane can rise in Mexico. But only if the butterfly is as pretty as Brad Pitt.

The Queen: Give Helen Miriam the Oscar already. Gez, everyone loved her in Prime Suspect on PBS, do we have to watch her clench her ass checks on the big screen too?

Letters from Iwo Jima: We get it. Japanese died too. Clint Eastwood is old. But he road that sad old "I'm going to die any minute" horse to the Award with that bad chick boxer movie (Million Dollar Baby). Remember that, Million Dollar Baby? It WON the Oscar that year! Oh yea, that's going to look good 10 years from now. The fight book-end movies, Raging Bull and Raging Bitch. Only he gets fat and she dies. Boo de hoo de.

Apocalypto: Too late Mel. Last year when the Academy got all icky from two guys kissing, then your testosterone bloated, look-at-the-size-of-my-dick, craptacular may have had a shot. Sorry sugar tits.

Little Miss Sunshine: Quirky for quirky sake is annoying – end of story.

The Departed: Just give Scorsese the damn award already so he will stop having to up the ante in blood, guts and making fun to watch guys (Leo and Matt) unwatchable in the name of ART.


But what would happen if an ugly butterfly flapped it's wings?
And somebody spray a freaking tan on Cate Blanchett. She is from Australia for god's sakes. She looks like Casper's hot aunt.

Mr. Beckham I presume

Yummy yummy yummy. The LA Times has a whole Becks gallery now because he is going to the Galaxy.

Sure, now he is in LA, while I am freezing my ass off here in Beckham-less Land. By the way his wife is Posh Spice (now called Trampy Whore Spice).

I just have to say, he's pretty.

One last one from when he was Mascot of the Month.

I want a jersey for my birthday.

Deer in Headlights

Everytime he opens his mouth now all I can think of is Charles Laughton talking to Marlene Dietrich in Witness for the Prosecution...

" when you spoke to the police that night, you lied?"
"I.. did not tell the truth."

"You lied."
"Yes, I lied."

"And when you spoke to the papers, you lied."

"And when you spoke to the prosecutor, again you lied?"

"And today, you bring yet another story. Let me ask you this, Frau Helhm, were you lying then or are you lying now or are you a cronic and habitual LIAR!!! The court may excuse this witness. During your oath, I am surprised the Bible did not LEAP from your hand."

Don’t Get Me Wrong...

Don’t get me wrong. Normally it is really cute to have a BF that works at 30 Rockefeller Plaza who is not enamored of entertainment. He is above it all, and I enjoy that. If he was star struck and came home like “ohh I saw Matt Lauer… ohhh I saw Amy Poehler…. ohh I saw the Snuffelupagus.” It would grow tiring.

Having said that, and stated so for the record, let me say that occasionally he could share a little more information. Like Today…

After he leaves for work (he had to go in early for “some….” reason he was not clear on), I turn on the Today show. Who is on, Madonna. And she is funny, she is pleasant. She is a little cold because they said it was 70 in New York (that was so two days ago..FYI).
Then she puts on a jacket and wanders out to the sidewalk.. RIGHT BELOW ED’S WINDOW.. to say hello to everyone. I turned off the TV because if Madonna was the reason the Honey had to go into work early and not tell me… Well there would be hell to pay.

Crash on the 405

There are 4 good excuses for being late to a meeting in LA.

1. There was a fire in Malibu.
2. The was a crash on the 405
3. It’s raining! (actually used every time it rains, by everyone)
4. My pharmacy was running late filling my Xanex.

Number 4 used to be “late filling my Valium”, but everyone wanted a Valium if you said that and then the meetings seem to drag on after you doled out your Valium. Which is why some people went to 2 milligram Valiums – which in my book is just a waste of time. By the time it kicks in – your done.

Meetings on Xanex are mellow, but they finish.

But I digress.

Anywho… having been in New York for a while, there doesn’t seem to be an equivilant blanket excuse. Well, until today.

I was waiting for the E Train with about a million of my closest friends and neighbors when the almost unintelligible garbled voice creaked on. After 3 or 4 repeats, we got the message. The A, C and E had all been accidentally switched to the wrong track at Canal Street (whoops!). And apparently the tracks we were standing at were going to be this lovely shade of empty for hours.

Lemming like, we head up to the world of color on the second coldest day it has been since I have been here. Clearly not dressed for it, I trudged on towards work. Actually secure in the knowledge I would run into my honey who always walks to work. And, I found him – trailing down 46th hot on the heels of some hunk, but I found him none the less.

We had a great, un-lemming like, walk to work together.

Our Favorite from 2.5 Men

I don’t know if you have seen Two and a Half Men on CBS, but has moments of being amazingly funny. Our favorite is Holland Taylor.

She delivers a line like no one’s business. Tonight they were all in a car and she was making fun of one of her son’s girlfriends. Charlie Sheen says to her, “Mom, you are on fire tonight.”

She smiles and replies, “It’s my new meds. They mix great with liquor.”

I love her. PS – I have loved her 4ever. I liked her in Bosom Buddies when she had HUGE hair.

Now (in Two and a Half Men)

Then (in Bosom Buddies)


Get out of this house. Get your things and get out. Get out before I kill you.

The Good Side of Global Warming

Well, it was over 70 in New York yesterday. Which, apparently, is very odd. But Eddie and I were happy as pigs in slop. We pulled out the shorts (never far away) and t-shirts and wandered around the city.

The other side of picture is even prettier. The Polar Bear Club refused to swim at Coney Island - protesting Global Warming. Now if we could get them just to stay home (and covered up) to protest all would be right with the world.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Okay this is weird

On the “Captive TV Network” – which plays in the elevators here – they have news, headlines, etc on one side of the screen and ads on the other. Well today they showed the word for the day:

Crapolicous. Which they defined as an excess of good food or drink. As in, “Betty was hung over after the crapolicous New Year’s Eve Party.”

Two comments come to mind.
1. Isn’t Crapolicious based on the word Crap – and therefore unsuitable for the “Captive TV Network?”.
2. Doesn’t Crapolicous mean an excess of bad food or drink. As in, “The SuperBowl party had Vienna sausages, 4 kinds of Dorritos and Potato salad with M&Ms in it – it was Crapolicous.”

Finally, I profess to a certain amount of incredulity that Crapolicious got word for the day status before Craptacular. As in “The SuperBowl half time with Diana Ross, Jose Felciano and KISS wasn’t just good, better or best; it was craptacular.” Because craptacular can be an adjective (see previous sentence) or a noun, “Demolition Derby with Pintos! Why it is a Craptcular!”

We are all Bronco Fans Now

Well, this should be before the outrage pose below. But let me post it anyway. for those of you that don't watch college football - well, there really is no anwer to you. but you missed one of the most exciting, fun, rare days ever.

Boise State (for those of you in England, Boise is the captial of the state of Idaho - which has like 12 1/2 people in the whole state - they are famous for Potatoes) the underdog of underdogs was playing Oklahoma. It is like in soccor having Germany playing Ashford All Girls Welsh Acadamy.

And Boise State played WAY ABOVE THEIR HEAD. For the first few quarters they were better than Oklahoma. But then, as tides always turn, Oklahoma recovered stood up and started to pound poor Boise (pronounced BOYS-ee).

I defer in my explanation to King Kaufman of Salon Magazine:

Boise State's incredible 43-42 overtime win over Oklahoma featured three touchdowns in the final 86 seconds of regulation, a hook-and-ladder play for the tying score by Boise State on fourth-and-18 with 18 seconds to go, a direct-snap wide receiver pass for a touchdown in overtime by the Broncos -- also on fourth down, because, you know, when else? -- and the winning two-point conversion coming on a Statue of Liberty play.

Boise State did everything but line up Harpo in the backfield. For those of you wondering what a hook-and-ladder or Statue of Liberty play might be, please consult your "Collegiate Foot Ball Fanatic's Handbook," 1926 edition, which has some nice illustrations.

Did I mention yet that star Boise State running back Ian Johnson, who scored the winning points, celebrated by running over to his girlfriend, a Broncos cheerleader, and proposing? She said yes.

Or maybe she said, "23 skidoo." Or maybe she turned into a flying lizard and soared back to Idaho to have midnight tea with the Sundance Kid. Statue of Liberty play? I'm not the only one who saw all this, right

Keith Olberman is My Hero

Keith Olberman is my HERO. From his show (full transcript here and here):

Mr. Bush, your judgment about Iraq — and now about "sacrifice" — is at variance with your people's, to the point of delusion.

Your most respected generals see no value in a "surge" — they could not possibly see it in this madness of "sacrifice."

The Iraq Study Group told you it would be a mistake.

Perhaps dozens more have told you it would be a mistake.

And you threw their wisdom back, until you finally heard what you wanted to hear, like some child drawing straws and then saying "best two out of three… best three out of five… Hundredth one counts."

Your citizens, the people for whom you work, have told you they do not want this, and more over, they do not want you to do this.

Yet once again, sir, you have ignored all of us.

To make him mascot of the month would be to damn him with faint praise. He is not a hotty or funny or make me warm inside. He is the voice of sanity right now in a media echo chamber of horrors. A place where 3003 dead soliders take second place in a news vacuum to arguements over Gerald Ford's pardon of Richard Nixon 30 years ago was right.

Thank goodness (really good-ness) that Keith Olberman is talking. And yea, I hated him when he was a sportscaster in LA. Apparently the gift of greatness lives in many of us.

Monday, January 01, 2007

The Rose Parade DUMPS Stephanie Edwards

I am late on this story, so everyone in LA probably knows about this already. But every year, since I can remember – and I am like an elephant remembering the Rose Parade – Bob Eubanks and Stephanie Edwards have done the Rose Parade. They are on Channel 5 (local Tribune) and always show the parade without commercials.

Today, due to lack of High Def programming, the High Def Channel in New York is picking up the feed live. But Stephanie Edwards is gone. Last year they put some new Hispanic Bimbette in the booth and made Stephanie shelp around in the rain (as you can see from the picture - she did not take the demotion well - as the news was borken to her THAT MORNING). This year she isn’t even mentioned.

But then the Marine Corps horse guard wanders through early in the parade and then Bob says this.

“Micaela, there are 3 young horses in the back of the lead horses. This is how they train the young horses for parades. Next week the young horses will lead the parade and the old horses will be retired.”
- total pause and then he continues -
“Kind of like commentators….”

So in one little statement he trashes KTLA and calls his new co-host a horse.

Here, in memoriam, is Bob and Stephanie – together in spirit – even if she is sitting at home. Stephanie, I hope you told them to stuff it!

Dick Clark's Rocking New Year's Eve

So, the ball drop in New York is just as dull here as it is in Los Angeles. We watched the crowds and the ball drop from 37D. It is - you know - not so thrilling. I mean, fun at Aldona's, on't get me wrong. But at 12:03 we were done. And we watched the crowds try to run out.

We did (much earlier) try to take a picture of the ball at 6PM, but they had already closed Times Square. So you gotta be there before 6PM with no bathrom breaks. Yikes!

Well... wweeeehh!

Happy New Years.