Saturday, December 30, 2006

And the sun sets on 2006

It's nearly the end of 2006 and the sun sets (as reflected off the Empire State building). It's been a year. But the fact that I got to spend it with Ed and various friends makes it a great year.

Happy 2006.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Merry Merry Lynnie

Lynn was here for Christmas and it was a lovely time. We saw the Apple Tree with Kristin Chewowith (which I lurved), Chorus Line (which we all lurved) and did a bunch fo stuff. We went to the Bronx Zoo on Christmas Day, bumbled around Dumbo and the Museum of Design. it was a fun week-end.;

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Merry Christmas to all...

It's Christmas in a few hours. Merry Christmas everyone. Here are Eddie's new shoes - not a Christmas present, but totally cool none the less. He looks fast standing still.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Powdered Sugar, we meet again..

Powdered Sugar, we meet again…

So in the coffee room some one had brought in Christmas cookies, including thos cute little ones with powdered sugar.

Now, I don’t really know a lot of people on the floor here. I am kind of a guest. But I love these cookies. So the first cup of coffee, I ignore the plate. It is, no doubt, for their friends.

But at 11 I am starving and I know they are there. So I go get a cup of coffee. And the cookies on the table call to me. “Scott, we’re unloved and lonely.” “Scott, just one cookie no one will know.” “It’s okay, they are for everybody.”

So, as I walk by I grab one and on my way out of the coffee room I pop it into my mouth. It’s a little too big in one bite, so I have to open my mouth a tiny bit chew it into 2 pieces. But since my mouth is open, I accidentally breath in. Powdered sugar.

Time stands still as I feel the powdered sugar in my lungs. There is only one choice, we all know that. But I try to hold it back, play threw the pain, not let anybody see….

All to no avail. I cough and powdered sugar, cookie parts and a little spittle fly across the office. Luckily only 2 assistants are here today in the bull pen area. Unluckily, they both sit across from the coffee room and I got cookie guts into one’s cube and into the other’s back.
I sit, dejected and cookie-less in my office.

The Weather is turning, Lynn is coming, and we are waiting for Santa....

Christmas draws near. Eddie and I are all snuggled in the house. Lynn will come tomorow and we are looking forward to it.

Last night some friends came over (an old friend from LA who lives here now) and they took us to a small Christmas do. it was a kick and we meet a couple of very nice Lebanese girls. One of whom had, small world that it is, lived in Palm Springs for a while.

Work is very nearly done I think. Ho ho ho

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Was Buchie ever in the boy scouts

Was Bushie ever in the Boy Scouts. Because suddenly Iraq reminds me of a snipe-hunt or the endless march to find a left-handed spatula at jamoboree. It's like the a bunch of neo-cons sent him on a snipe hunt years ago, then quit the government instead of telling him there the truth.

And, fyi, there is such a thing as a snipe. Go figure. They are really hard to find and shoot, which is why a marksman is called a "sniper". Amazing is the crap you learn on the net.
A Snipe

Monday, December 18, 2006

You gotta get that right..

So, on Saturday Eddie and I were bumbling around. We were walking up 6th to Central Park. Huge crowds (we were between a "silent" demonstration and the santa march - mucho traffic). As we go, there is a Muslim prayer on his prayer rug outside a Chase bank.

Okay, I have no problem with the praying and the prayer rug. Whatever. But if you are going to do this in public and make a big fat production out of it, get the direction right. He is in the middle of New York and praying facing the North -east. Unless Mecca has taken a quick trip to Iceland - or he is praying to Thor, the man is geographically challenged.

I admit, this shouldn't be an issue in general, but if it is part of your religion to face Mecca. AND you are making a Very Public Statement by praying in front of Chase Bank. AND people have to walk around you. Then you have a duty to get the freaking direction right. Come on, the sun was shining - you know Mecca is in the desert. Even drunk you should know it isn't north. Allah didn't ride reindeer into battle baby.

Prince to do halftime?

Prince will do the SuperBowl halftime show? Really?

I don’t see it. Prince is like a pint size crazy little guy who stopped a while ago. First he stopped singing - so as to moan everything. Then he stopped using his name - so as to use a symbol (TAFKAP). Then he stopped moaning and started screaming. Then he stopped being The Artist Formerly Known As Prince and became Prince again. Then he stopped singing so he could be a preaching Jehovah’s Witness. Now he is going to sing at the SuperBowl. No.

The Poulan Weed-eater Bowl, maybe. The Meineke Car Care Bowl, perhaps. I might even let him take a shot at the Chick-Fil-A Bowl, but the SuperBowl?

See, this is why I don’t follow pro-football

Saturday, December 16, 2006

What's Up with the Santa's?

So today Eddie and I were walking around and we came across like 150 Santa's. We didn't know what it was when it happened, we just wandered across them.

We have since them found the details. It was SantaAnarchy. It is bands of Santa's wandering the streets and passing out gifts, visiting bars and generally having fun.

Eddie and I are SO going next year. (PS - I know this is from the San Francisco Santacon, but no pictures from NYC were posted yet.)

PS- Updated Santa's in New York City

My fave...

Friday, December 15, 2006

Trev's First Christmas Card

So Jane sent Trevor his own Christmas card. Because Jane has been to New York and knows that the Trev-miister LOVES to chew paper. Here he is with his very own card.

He says Thank You - FYI

Every time a bad review is very well written..

I love bad reviews so much better than good reviews. I think everytime a really great bad review is written, an angel gets his wings. From today's New York Times review of Eragon.

"This boy-and-his-dragon fantasy set in a land bristling withe Tolkienesque nomenclature and earnest British actors is as lacking in fresh ideas as Tim Allen's Manager."


Warning Labels for Fat Clothes

Proof Positive that the Nanny state has gone too far.

Some people in England want a 800-warning number for overwieght people's clothes. Having the smallest problem with food right now myself, I don't need my clothes screaming "Hey Tubbie, do you really need Hagen Daz with this outfit."

And this is a mean picture to have as the caption for this story. This housecoat should carry a warning lable for a million other reasons.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

One hesitates to state the obvious …

But one must. At the risk of harping on the subject of elected stupidity, one must ask; what the hell W is doing?

Apparently, he is going around on a “listening tour” regarding Iraq. Can one possibly comment on this without stating the obvious? Isn’t he ... oh I don’t know… 3 freaking years too late? You see, Dear Leader, the time to ask about Iraq is before you have destroyed the country, lost 2,000 plus American lives, 30,000 – 300,000 Iraq lives (we keep much fuzzier numbers on Iraqies) and screwed the pooch.

His newly acquired “listening” skills apparently do not stretch to the Iraq Study Group. Because they are a bunch of bi-partisan, knowledgeable in foreign policy, skilled in Defense experts – so who the hell wants to listen to them.

No… as Bozo the President said in Vietnam (irony is lost on this man)… we will stay in Iraq until we finish the Mission.

By the way, just so you know, he can’t define “The Mission”, nor can his advisors, nor his press secretary. Although at least his Press Secretary was honest enough to state that even asking what “The Mission” was could now be considered tantamount to Treason. (Questioning the President (or voting for the Democrats) is, to quote the vice-President and Chief Shot-gun proponent, “Supporting Al-Quida”; which (read the Constitution – article 3 Section 3) is Treason and punishable by death.)

We have passed the theater of the absurd and moved right into scary ground. W is now talking about sending more troops.

Well now you all have to wake up. Because even if you aren’t old enough to remember, Scooter is. Vietnam escalated a little at a time until we lost 55,000 troops. And escalation, while sounding fine when it is a volunteer army, sucks when they start drafting. And soon that will be the only logical step one can take – once we commit to sending more troops and to some hazy, undefined Mission – well we can’t back down. So while we all can ignore the signposts, try to remember that Sean is just about the wrong age. Most of us lucked out with the draft and Vietnam, yeah for us. But don’t think that the Idiot-in-chief won’t put us in a position where Sean ends up getting drafted.

And that should scare us all into paying a slight amount of attention.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Speaking of Crazy: Lynnie Sends a Message


1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streetsand Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town ... to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy
...............oooh look at theFroggy ............ can I have a chocolate .............. why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells , Jingle Bells

Crazy Ass Little Dog

How the dog becomes obsessive

So, when he was little, with Ashford and Hastings in the house, Trevor would wolf down his treat then race over to try to steal Ashford’s treat (Hastings did the same thing – how Ashford stayed so fat is beyond imagination..).

Well now, Trevor has the treats to himself. And he LOVES Meaty Bones (only Meaty Bones ® by the way- don’t bring that Gravy Bone shit in here!). More than loves, treasures.

So, when you give him a Meaty Bone, he hides it. He wanders around the house and puts it in a hiding place (under the bookshelf, behind the sideboard, in the far corner near the TV). Then he walks away. He wanders around the kitchen island and… oh so casually… checks that it is still there. Then it usually isn’t good enough of a spot. So he goes through the ritual again. Then again.

Then that isn’t good enough and he goes to get it and the whole thing starts again. After it is aired out (like a fine glass of wine) he will eat it when no one is watching. This is cute.

During the day, it’s cute. If you happen to give him a Meaty Bone at night, well you are in for an hour of walking, hiding, walking, hiding before you finally scream for him to STOP IT.

And then there is the getting in bed and accidentally rolling over on the Meaty Bone. Now you’re screwed. First, Trevor gives you the “You Bastard” look. Second, you have to sweep the crumbs out if you can (make the bed if you can’t). Third, you listen to the dog vacuum up the crumbs from the shag rug in the bedroom – and lord help you if there is a chuck big enough for him to hide again. Not only is he up for hours hiding it – well, now he know better than to let you take it away.

Last night, as I heard his little paws go from the rug to the wood floor to the rug to the floor to the STOP IT – all I could think of is those weird little guys that have to wash their hands like 6 times in a row after touching a bathroom doorknob.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Monday, December 11, 2006

A Big Week-end

Well, we had a great week-end with Eddie's old boss and his wife this week-end. Gail and Mike came in for the week-end.

They love New York and showed us some of their favorite haunts. We had some excellent Italian food (and excellent in very good, not as in Mr. Burns Eeeegg-celllllant), and a ton of great conversation. They are also walkers, and we spent quite a bit of time walking around. The only problem with this was that I read how far a mile is in this city (20 blocks north / south or 5 blocks east/west) so I kept thinking "19th and Madison?? that is like 2.25 miles - are you freaking kidding me?". But I was, as usual, the picture of quiet decorum and said nuttin.

Friday, December 08, 2006

See - Zero is a misnomer

On a form, zero kids means abscene of childern in the household.

On your banking statement, zero dollars means the abscene of available funds.

In baseball, a zero hitting percentage means an abscene of contact between the bat and the ball.

But when walking the dog, a zero degree wind chill does NOT mean an abscene of weather, nor wind, nor chill. It means, paradoxically, f*cking cold.

Monday, December 04, 2006

One Shudders (and a ps added)

So, strike 1 is dad is Kevin Ferdline.

Strike 2 is the divorce.

I hope they don't see this picture of Mom until they are adults (which is only 17 years and 11 months away - what a great Mom!) - cuz that is an ugly Strike 3.

And, there are very simple to find pictures of Britney with the full on Brazilian wax. Come on child. Have just a shred of respect. If you aren't go to wear panties, at least drop your pruse down there as you exit the car. And, just as aside, doesn't that hurt like hell?

PS: The election is over. There are any number of outrages I can follow right now. The Supreme Court with it's new "No-Knock" rule has caused the death of at least one 88 year old grandmother. Richard Padilla, an American citizen NOT accused of breaking any laws, has spent 3 years in solitary and sensory deprivation for interigation is apprently now thoroughly crazy (your tax dollars at work).

But I don't want to spend any more time right now pissed off and freaked out. It isn't worth it on the wear and tear it takes on Ed and my day to day life. So, just so you know, I get it that life can suck with a capital S - but I just want to spend some time enjoying it.

And so I will laugh that Britney Spears is a disgusting ho-bag with a totall shaved pubically area because (just ask Eddie) I gotta lighten up for a while.

Ho ho ho

Weather Lesson 16: Law of Inverses

There is very little difference between 80 degrees and 80 degrees with a lot of wind.

There is a lot of difference between 40 degrees and 40 degrees with a little wind.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Happy Early Ho Ho Ho

From the front page of the LA Times...

This is our quarter back (Cowen) running the ball (running!) for a touchdown.

And this was late in the game, USC driving, when McNeal (#2) tipped a SC pass and caught it. Sealing the deal. I love you Eric McNeal.

Friday, December 01, 2006

See.. this is just wrong

Weather in LA doesn't swing drastically. The big blue thing on the other side of the beach tends to moderate it. When it does swing, it is because the air has charged over the desert, been forced to go over the mountains (which raises the temp) and we get lovely Santa Ana winds in the 80's.

Contrast that experience with the two :Low Temperature maps below. These are not weeks apart. This is today's Low Temperature, versus tomorrow's Low Temperature.



Do you see the problem here?!?

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Mascot of the Month: Bond: Blonde Bond

This is a good looking picture. It's hot, long and sleek. Daniel Craig isn't bad either.

Now let's not forget that I have been on the Daniel Craig boat for a long time. Ever since he stepped out of the shower in Laura Croft Tomb Raider I have liked him.

Well, he is a fantastic Bond. I mean he really generates an aura of someone wound a little too tight. He was great. I liked the show a lot.

Plus he pulled off the coming out of the sea thang so much better than Pierce (pass-me-the-clippers) Brosnen ever did.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

This is a great headline

When blogging via e-mail (as one must do from the LA office), one is limited in what he can post or link to. Let me say that the best headline in the world is the "top viewed" at MSNBC this morning:

Report: K-Fed was having fling with porn star
But 'they're just friends who have sex,' says a source

Go here to see it:

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

This was, like, so not my fault.

I blame Gavin. Well actually I blame Sean Corchran.

So, last night Gavin and Micky took me to Sushi Happy Hour. Big beers $3.50 Big Sakes $3.50. Spicy Tuna Roll / Salmon and Avocado Roll / Eel Roll: $2.50 each (for 6 pieces.

But ever since Sean took us to the Sushi in Japan where the freshly cut up fish kept trying to breath, I haven't been able to choke down sushi. Therefore, I ate very little. But we hung out for a while, so what is a boy to do.



I had a 5:30 wake up because I started meetings here at 6:30 AM and was on the phone until 10:30. I feel tres gross.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Trevor's Thanksgiving

I am in LA, and therefore stuck to blogging by mail only. Short status. The desert was wunderbar. It was warm sunny and we saw friends.

We also had a young guest (Cameron is 8). Cameron and Trevor feel in Lurve! They played and played and played - then Trevor slept with her. It was his first night not in the room with Eddie and I and he was all snuggled up with her. It was cool.

Trevor was great on the plane out. In Palm Springs he spent two days with Scout (Muffin's dog) and that totally tired him out. Then Cameron came and he played with her. Then, right before Ed and Trevor flew back, we took him to Muffin's for a good-bye romp with Scout. Ed said he hasn't really woken up yet :-).

I am here at LA work until Wednesday.

Monday, November 20, 2006

The Wit and wisdom of Tom Tomorrow

From Salon...

See, this is the problem with the movies

You see, here is the problem with getting all your information about the world from Los Angeles and the movies. They don't explain this kind of cold.

In LA there is only 1 kind of weather. Nice.

In the movies, there are 3 kinds of weather.

Christmas Snow. You know, White Christmas or It's a Wonderful Life Snow

Cannibal Snow. You know, Donner Pass or Andes Plane Crash movies where it is so cold they eat each other snow.

And Nice - which is pretty much everything else.

Oh sure, Nick and Nora may throw on a coat, but that is only styleish.

What you miss understanding is weather like this morning. It isn't really eat-your-neighbor-or-perish cold, it is just high 30's, wind whipping down the street, make-your-nose-run cold. Unpleasently and unattractively cold. Cold enough to freeze your ears, but not really cold enough to actually FREEZE your ears. Not cold enough to really complain about.

Well, unless you are Scooter and the weather should be (say it with us) Nice.

ps - Jane is here from England, which is why nincompoopery is low key right now. We are having a grand ole time and I will detail out more later. Including why Julianne Moore should stick with the movies and never again try Broadway (hint - no retakes).

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Okay - Of the Half Million...

Okay, of the half million ways this picture is creepy (and it is) two pop out.

One. There should be a warning that when a fan dresses like this for the premiere, he is only 1 missed Xanax away from stalking you, so watch your back.

Two. Is it me, or is Sacha / Borat's thumb really grotesquely long? Seriously. Look at that thing.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Cerritos California

Here is an article about the Cerritos Auto Square and how it might possible presage doom upon the world. (It is from Salon, so you might be asked to watch an ad first).

Okay, here is the funny part. I went to High School in Cerritos (Spanish for "City of Low Mounds", which was the subject of Gahr HS high-school taunts and subsquent discussions of breast augmentation by my less developed female friends - see Eddie, it all flows naturally from my youth). Across the street from my house was, you guessed it, The Cerritos Auto Square. Apparently one of the biggest in the world - and harbinger of doom if the article is to be belived.

Happy Tuesday.


Ed... you cannot get rid of the devil cat.... Booo haaa haaa ha.

This is a pciture of Sydney, my friend Bridget's daughter. She is really adorable. But here is the funny part. They just got a cat (pictured above) and named it Oscar.

Oscar, in case no one remembers, was the name of the horrible black cat that lived with me until Ed took it to a "live forever" farm. Oscar, was one mean m.. (shut your mouth! I'm talking 'bout Shaft!). Oscar had no claws and used to beat birds to death. Oscar used to keep poor Muffin's blind cat backed into a corner all day and hit it when it moved. Ashford and Hastings were afriad of Oscar. Ed was too, but that is a different story.

Oscar had a long backstory. The Boo (Pam) gave it to Lauren, after which Lauren promptly dumped Pam. Then Lauren started a long distance romance with Terri, and Oscar became the "pee onthe bed" cat to show his anger at being left alone. Lauren took it back when she moved in with the Muffin (Terri) - but the blind cat thing forced the end of that. Lauren gave it to Mark - who later corrected himeself and said that when he said he wanted a "cat", he meant a kitten; not a full grown pee'ing terror in black.

At that time Oscar had horrible dandruff, because Lauren feed him low-cal food (and he was still huge). Well Mark and I feed him regular food, which fixecd the dandruff, but caused him to blow up to the size of a small pot-bellied pig. When Mark died, he made me promise not to kill Oscar (little love lost between me and Oscar).

Then when I started the long distance romance - I made Oscar stay outside (I had a patio with bars he could get in and out of.) This made Nate-The-Dog boy very happy. Nate hated Oscar as well. Really - Oscar was just mean.

Once he moved in, Ed felt he made no promise, and so - on a technicality - we gave Oscar away. First we made sure it was a "live forever" home in the desert (it cost a bundle). And it had an area for the declawed cats alone and Oscar ruled the roost.

Anywho... Bridget, the name Oscar strikes fear into Ed's heart (rivaled only by clowns and butterflys) - so it is kind of funny.

Monday, November 13, 2006

What Was That?

So, our next door neighbor here in the building got a new Big Screen.

This week-end we heard your basic big screen movies as we walked the dog. You know, car crashes, gun shots, screaming and running. Your basic Hong Kong Action Movie stuff. He (and everyone else on our floor is Chinese).

Tonight, I takje Trevor out for a walk, and I heard weird noise. I stopped, cuz I forgot for a second that he had the big TV, and I was trying to figure out what it was. Then I heard the Chinese words, the moans and the boom-sha-calacka of Chinese porn.

Very disconcerting.

Tom Tomorrow: The Real Reason...

Tom Tomorrow's cartoons are funny. Here is a preview, and a link to the whole cartoon.

Link to the ibg cartoon (courtsey of Salon) story.jpg

Desert Display

A friend from work loves planes. We were talking last week because he was in New York for meetings. He said this last week-end was a cool airplane show in Palm Springs. It is really cool because it is the only place in the US where the plans land, then taxi to the convention center. he was going to go, but the wife wasn't looking forward to the trip out and back.

Well, I told them to use the house and they did.

Here is a really cool picture of the next plane he wants.

It is a litte jet that is cheap and everyone is thinking of using as arial taxis soon. Coll huh?

Friday, November 10, 2006

It's the "You Pick The Title" Game

Nancy, Curious Geroge and Smarky Mc-Loser .

Apparently during the discussion Smirky forgot that Cheney was in the room. A quick shot-blast to the cheek reminder Smirky who is charge here!

Goodbye you lying s0s...Best of luck to you

And sometimes, for just a few moments, sun smiles on the rightous. Perhaps you don't know Ken Melhman. Ken is ( was!!!!) the head of the Republican National Committee. Ken is the man behind the horribly racist ads that sent Ford down to defeat in Tennesee (to paraphrase the ad - "Where are de White Womans at.").

Ken is also the man that kept putting the Marriage Admendment on the ballot around the country. This was needed because (and I quote) "Liberals keep forcing the gay agenda down our throat." A happy side effect is that he worked with churches to stoke haterd AND get out the vote. A twofer.

And in a twisted, sick, disgusting way - he was right about the gay agenda stuffed down there throat by fags. Fags like Ken. You see Ken is a homo. A nice big closest boy who likes man on man action and EVERYONE in Washington knows. Politicians, the media and the right wing of the party. But as long as he created a nice big tatoo'ed bogeyman who wanted to steal you childern and force them into gay sex - and as long as this won elections - well he was free to do what he wanted

So Ken threw fags under the bus, to get more republicans elected. It worked in 2000, 2004 , 2006, but not in 2008. I hope it was worth it. I hope that his hypocrasy, his total disregard for his friends and lovers, his creation of hate and dividing the Untied States People into tribes that HATE each other - while there was a war going on; I hope it was worth what they paid him. And I hope he doesn't have a decent night sleep in years. Because he doesn't deserve it.

I hope he gets have the nightmares about the fags beat and put into hospitcals due to the hate he spewed. I hope he has nightmares about the kids sent to gender education camps (where the percentage of "cures" is about the same as the percentage of suicides). I hope he cannot forget, for one minute of one day, how he has contributed to tearing this country apart.

I don't like him.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

AZ State Motto

Sieze the the Day is at the top of the Arizona state "Visit Us" page. I love Arizona. It looks like they were the first state to defeat a state Constitutional amendment banning Gay Marriage. And this was after John (Don't bug me, I am busy selling my soul to the right wing) McCain came out for the amendment.

It makes Scooter happy today.

Funny story, my parents were married in Yuma Arizonia. Because at the age they got married, they needed parental consent in California, and Arizonia had looser marriage laws. Okay, the whole thing may have ended badly, but since I was one of the outcomes I was all for it.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Mascot of the Month: project(red)

Well, Project Red is the Mascot of the Month. It is a group of retailers that has dedicated a percentage of the proftis from this to support AIDS in Africa. I think it is a great idea to have people make money, while supporting people.

Plus I like the Armani Watch.

But. But.... I can't let a the Mascot of the Month chance go to waste to share a big beefy set of thighs for our Lisa. Dan Carter of the New Zealand Rugby team is staring in a new set of Jockey ads. And Dan, you know, just for Lisa, has nice thighs.

Thigh Pose for Lisa

Humpy Pose for Scooter

When bad crotch shots happen to good girls

Can I just say, how - how does get away with printing these bad boys.

1) Paris Hilton in old lady panties, and it looks like she dropped a turd in them.

2) Pamela Anderson. The breast is mezmerizing, but the bad cameltoe is really the piece of resistance. I know better, but from the waist down (starting at that WallMart Christmas Tree topper) doesn't she kind of look like RuPaul after he mis-tucked it. Really, cover up her boobs and face with your hand and you are looking at a Drag Queen who needs to buy a better cup.


It is easy to take the wrong message back from Ted Haggard. Do not. Here is the only lesson that counts.


You see, if anyone, ANYONE, would not want to be attracted to men - it would be Ted Haggard. He thinks he is going to burn in hell for this. He knows he is destroying his family, his wife and 20,000 plus that lean on him. And still, he his physical desire was overwhelmingly to be with a man.

And there is a special place in the afterlife for people who dedicate their lifes to ruins other people's lives. And Ted will preach there.

The Colorado Amendment he is campioning this year - and will undoubtedly pass - covers not just the definition of "marriage", but also disallows civil unions. It forbides the state from covering domestic partners in it's health plans. It may try to reach into any business that has a state contract (as Virginia's law does).

This law will take a full set of people, born with an attraction to the same sex, and says to them - you are not worthy of the full set of payments that the government offers. If you have a child, and you die, you have no voice in where that child goes next. If you and your partner support each other in a committed relationship, doing civic, socicitial, and family good - that isn't worht shit. That is exactely the same as paying for sex 1 a month for 3 years because it is disgusting dirty and wrong.

And Ted Haggard, as a Christian Minister to thosands and head of the National Evangelical Church says, "God made a disgusting, vile, horific mistake with you. And (lust in your heart and all) you have no choice but to live a degrading filthy life before going to hell. You can do no good in the world as a gay person."

Somewhere God's message of love thy neighbor has gone horribly astray. Religion in the form of Catholics, Evangelical Christians and Muslims have decided that Men who lie with Men do not deserve an Afterlife, Normal Life or Any Life (respectively). But if God made me this way then he is less than aloof and indifferent. He is just plain mean.

I personally CHOOSE to believe that the messengers are screwed up. I personally CHOOSE to believe that God isn't that nasty. And I personally CHOOSE to live and upstanding, decent and honest life. Part of which happens to be that I am committed to Ed.

Don't let the hate, and the contrition and the amusement at Ted's downfall overshadow the truth here. Think about that if you ever get stuck having to vote that gay's should have no rights to make a committment (cival unions or otherwise).

I am Scott Mitchell, and I sadly approved this message.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Fun with telrets (letters)

So last night Ed wanted to play Scrable, which was fine I was totally in the mood. I started with:

sliders: small letters, but double word and used all 7 of my letters. So that wasn't the way he wanted to start.

My second word
weathers: which again uses all 7 of my letters (plus one on the board).

He finally thre in the towel when I correctly spelt and used the word "jovian" in a sentence.

Go figure, I can't spell simple words, but I did well last night.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Hypocrisy Hoedown

It is the Semi-finals of the “Hypocrisy Hoedown”.

In this corner, the Prezdent of the National Association of Evangelicals. Quoted as saying there is a special place in hell for homosexuals, he has been accused of paying a male prostitute for sex and crystal meth. )

His comments:

‘I’m faithful to my wife’Haggard told Denver's KUSA-TV late Wednesday that “I've never had a gay relationship with anybody, and I’m steady with my wife, I’m faithful to my wife. So I don't know if this is election year politics ... or what it is.”

The acting senior pastor at New Life, Ross Parsley, told KKTV-TV of Colorado Springs that Haggard admitted that some of the accusations were true.

Parsing the words, let’s find the meaning. He hasn’t had a “gay relationship”, which doesn’t mean he hasn’t had sex with a man. He just hasn’t had a “relationship” with him. And “some” of the accusations are true. So, if you just do a little Crystal and pay a guy to have sex, apparently that means you are faithful to your wife.

No wonder Ed and I can’t be married. I have a completely different definition of “faithful”.

In this corner, the Blonde Bombshell. The Purveyor of Doom (wearing the traditional red and black). The woman who said "I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths" as much as the widows of victims of the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. And in her book Godless:The Church of Liberalism, writes (among many other things):

"Environmentalists' energy plan is the repudiation of America and Christian destiny, which is Jet Skis, steak on the electric grill, hot showers, and night skiing." [p.7]

She is accused of She is accused of voting illegally. Now let’s be honest, this isn’t a big deal. But she won’t cooperate with the DA. And, well, she’s a bitch so it’s fun to watch her go down.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

So, here's the thing with the dog

Trevor has a little water issue. He plays in his water bowl and slops water around.
So we got a smaller bowl. Same thing only it was tougher for him to do this.

Smaller bowl.

Well, now he has a little bowl that is too small to slop around. And he hates it. So he plays in the toilet. This is annoying, but we have gotten used to it. Very annoying, but used to it.

Tonight Trevor walked into the bathroom. And we heard a little slpashing, then a big ass splash. Then a little nails on porcelain thang. Then big nails on porcelain sounds. Then a wet sloshy jump and a wet little rat of a thing running like hell out of the bathroom.

Lid goes down.

A Tale of Woe - Translated

Oh vanity, oh shameless rascal who hides from truth and the bitter honesty that the cold brings. How could thou not see what was in front, or in fact, below thy face. The layers of garments and years are ignored in your haste and self-preservation. Go on then. Go on and save thyself. I have no power or’ you.

Translation: It is so cold my balls have found new places to hide, and it isn’t even January yet!

Monday, October 30, 2006

To Ra-cha-cha to Cheer Up Scooter

Actually I would never expect words in that order. Sending Scooter to Rochester New York has always been a bit of a punishment, even when meant as a reward. But this week-end, Eddie took me to Ra-cha-cha to change my perspective a little. We went to visit Jocelyn and Les. Joc and I used to work at Xerox. Not really together, I was the Launch Manager and she was the Canadian Marketing Manager, but we worked together on Projects a lot.

She and Les (her husband) moved from Toronto to Rochester a while back (like 5 years maybe) and we still see her when she comes out to LA on trips. Well, this time we went up to see them. We also brought Trevor to visit their 2 big ol' Golden Labs. The pictures are mainly of the dogs, because 4 people sitting around and just talking for hours, while really refreshing and nice, makes for poor photos.

Above is Scott and Trevor, Jocylen, Les and Evan is in the front (Charlie looks just like Evan, but he is way in the background).

And here is the happiest, muddiest dog in town. Trevor had a ball!

Friday, October 27, 2006

I am tired of being outraged..

So I am tired of being outraged at Politics. Reallllllyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

So lets make fun of something else. How about a fabulously horrible show on CBS. Eddie can't stand to watch it, but I love it. I love it in that whole car-wreck kind of way. I mean, who green lite this? (green lighted?)

So here is the "premise". This really nice guy is proposing to his girlfriend. Well, they meet in 3rd grade, so to propose he invites over his old 3rd grade class - who has never kept in touch. Because, of course, in New York or LA you still have all of your old 3rd grade class members phones numbers. And, should you get a call like this, you decide to go. Of course.

There are 8 of them, which seems to be too much to remember and write for, but there is good news here. First, they pair them all up (ta-da) and Second the writers seem to forget about 75% of them in any episode.

So the hilarity starts with the boy and girl underlined in Red. He goes to the reunion because, well he was only going to kill himself anyway - and what is a few hours later. Here he falls for the dizzy girl (underlined in red) and they go to dinner.

Here is where it gets "better", it is a great dinner at the diner andafterwards they talk on the phone in the car. Which so distracts him he runs over her and puts her in a wheelchair. This is all on day 1. (Apparently "meeting cute" is big in the writer's room.) The writers set this up for a while, by the way he is really really really smart, worked at a internet firm and made millions, but then was a wistle blower and lost it all. Now he drives toxic waste to New Jersey. Ha Ha.

But the laughs get better. Wait for it. He and the wheelchair girl end up falling in love an dating. Only problem - he is already married. And he is married to Darlene from Rosanne, who someone failed to tell this was a comedy - because she is smokin' bitter. Every time Darlene steps on the set the comedic feel (already thin) is broken and we are really watching a tired whipped suicidal man trying desparetely to connect to a half-girl / half-woman he has incapacitated and to whom he lies to about being married. Mirth abounds.

Now let's move on to the characters with the purple lines over their head. They were elementary and high school sweet hearts. Not clear what happened yet, but they grew apart. He is now a stupid lunk head contractor hunk who lives in his mother's basement. She is "trapped" in a loveless marriage with a famous ex-football star. They spend the night after the 3rd grade reunion in bed (until his mother wakes them up with a rousing "Dear! how nice to see you again." which the laugh track finds uproarious).

At the beginning her husband, the football player, threatened her, but apparently that didn't play well, so now he is just a really nice guy. A nice guy who's wife is cheating on him. And the football player hires the contractor, at his wife's suggestion and complaint, to redo their house. Because the guy who lives in his mom's basement is a contractor. (Of course, if you can't make money in the last few years as a contractor, you should look for a new line of work.)

The hunk from 3rd grade, by the way, has a little hero-man-crush on football player (although not in the same way he likes the football players wife) and they are now friends. Not great friends, seeing how he is sleeping with the guy's wife, but friends. In order to tie this couple to the to the 2 people in the first paragraph. He hires Mr. Unhappily-Married-Toxic-Waste-Driver to help drywall (in the verb sense, not the noun sense) his mistress' husband's house.

Nailgun hilarity insues.

Now to the bright green side bars. This is Mr and Miss Perfect. Mr and Miss P went to the Prom together, but she found him that night in bed with another guy. At the Prom. By the way, at my prom they didn't keep beds and other guys - but it sounds like a PAR-tee to me. Well, she is still bitter, and he is still guilty. So, boviously, they become friends.

Meanwhile - she hasn't been asleep since Prom night. No, she has married a gigantic queen of a boy (who named their daughter Oprah - because he is a fan). He has married a Latin gorgeous hunk of a guy. The running joke is that Miss Pretty (now Mrs. Queenie) can't understand the Latin's accent (which is of the "Corintheian Leather" variety) and her husband (Mr. Queenie) can't keep his eyes off the hunk. Mr Married-Queen, by the by, has yet to appear in a scene without a pink swater tied around his shoulders. At first I thought this was a bad gay joke, now I think the writer's are just trying to keep track of everyone.

The Mr. Gay ex-Prom date is reduced here to pacifing the Latin hunk and trying desperately to hope now one remembers him in this show. Day to day they are tied to the other members of the show - not so much. Really, they might as well be on their on show, "Gay Father Knows Best and Here Come the Brides".

Now the other two in the picture. I feel sorry for them. I think the nerd in the middle was suppose to be the star and the anchor of the friendships.

And, I think they meant "anchor" like Monica's apartment on friends. Not "ancor" like piece of lifeless metal dropped into the ocean, which is what he is.

The other girl is a punk crazy girl. Twin sister of the scared of life wheelchair girl. And, unlike Hally Mills or even Patty Duke, these two were not raised apart. No they are twins that don't look alike or talk alike or dress alike or even appear to be near the same ages - but they are twins because otherwise they couldn't have been in 3rd grade together. They just have nothing in common. so I think the nerd and the punk were suppose to be together, but they have no chemistry.

Imagine that. The nerd and the punk have less chemistry than a married audultorer that drives toxic waster and the girl he ran over.

To quote Kelly Clarkson (from both her albums) it is "Such a Beautiful Disaster."

Thursday, October 26, 2006

It never looks like this...

Pashminas. I am familiar with the word only from Friends (Reese Witherspoon (Ratchel's spoiled little sister) buys one, and Ross pretends it is his to keep Ratchel from taking it). (Which, by the way, probably says I watch too much Friends, but damnit I like Friends - and there certianly isn't anything waiting to steal the title of Scott's Favorite Show on the horizon. Actually there might be, but I have to see if it will be cancelled in season 1 before I committ. I have been hurt too many times before. But I digress).

Anyhow... This is what I expected a Pashmina to look like. A beautiful, handcrafted wrap for wearing to the Opera, or San Tropez or the casino in a James Bond movie.


A "Pashmina" may be defined as this; a small, ugly bedspread that women in New York wrap around themselves to keep warm. Our grandmothers wore these to the store in the winter and we were embarassed they carried their handnitted Afgan with them. (Afgan and Pashmina both sound exotic untilyou see them covering some cranky old lady pushing her ass in front of you.)

Just because you call it a "Pashmina" doesn't make your old chair-cover a San Tropez stylish wrap.

Pashmina.... phffffffffffttttttt.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

General Peter Pace

Just as I was about to bitch about work, life in an apartment and my horrible bosses, I have CNN on. And General Peter Pace just had a news conference.

He explained why the people no longer support the Iraq war. Apparently it is because there is no longer 24/7 Iraq reporting. So we don't hear about little girls going school (FYI - General, they went to school under Sadam - you are thinking of Afganistan) or power coming on (FYI- they are no up to 2+ hours a day).

So, it's not their fault. You are stupid and have no attention span.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

I did not wish for that

So I will not be blamed. There is that whole "be careful what you wish for" thang.

I will not be called for this. UCLA playd Notre Dame tough on TV. UCLA did not embarass themselves and our definese was good. Our team played them close. I could see how people could say, "Oh, you must have wished them did this."


My iwsh was to win, or lose badly. What I didn't want (and what happened) is that they get my hopes up only to have them dashed in the final 30 seconds. I was not amused.

FYI. They did look good. Good for them.

The bastards.

Thursday, October 19, 2006


Right now the week-end looks really good weather wise. If it holds, I am making Eddie take a Ferry ride up the Hudson to look at the colors of the leaves. This is for all of you yackers who keep telling me "I miss the Fall." "You don't know what you are missing." "There are no seasons in LA" "It's beautiful."

I am waiting to be impressed.

Because so far, "Football Weather" sucks out here. "Football Weather" is not seatshirts, and viewable exhales. See.. that is "Cold Weather". "Football Weather" is scorching hot with shirtless boys and girls with fake books in halter tops.

THAT'S "Football Weather"

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Our Hoboken Purchase

Here is the eally cool art we bought (and the artist). Carlos came by to bring it here and hang it. It is concrete and steel, so kind of heavy :-).

I Hate Politics

I do. It makes me crazy. I refuse to partake today.

And Mark Foley is scum. I refuse to take part in his "I was abused by a priest" scam. 1) Why did you tell anyone before this so that - I don't know HE WOULDN'T ABUSE OTHERS! 2) Why now... oh yea.. you are under scrutiny now. But now, he thinks this is part of "the healing process". Asshole.

So instead, I share the cover of the latest Rugby Calendar from France. Forwarded to me by Gary... an old (straight) friend from Xerox. (And the young man is question is fully over 21 and a professional Rugby Player.) Lord love the Brits....

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

My friend Katherine

So, my friend Katherine had horrible news. I wrote about her, her husband and young daughter visiting us in the desert a few years ago (she was my friend from an internet company who is an amazing woman). Her husband died and it hit me and Eddie a lot harder than we expected. Here's is Eddie's note and the lesson he learned...


ok, i can't get it out of my brain. Taylor died.

You see, i didn't know Taylor all that well, but in fact i did. Katherine loved Taylor. As the story goes, she met him in college and at some point turned to her friends (in a bar, I'm assuming) and told them she was going to marry him. She did. They have a beautiful daughter who is now ten. Taylor was bodysurfing and an unimaginable accident happened.

Scooter and Katherine worked together for years. He loves her. Her put up with her pumping breast milk for heaven sake. She and Scott are a lot alike. Funny, stubborn, convinced that "their way is the only conceivable way", and they both have an amazing ability to cope. I'm not sure I could. She is incredible.

I am writing this partly because it brings a flood of memories of those I've loved and lost. Me being selfish here... Chris, Megan, Lauren: still hurt on occasion. Ashford and Hasting: still hurt regularly. Time passes, it still can hurt. You decide who and why, but it still hurts.

Here is why I'm really writing. Hug the people you love and tell them you love them. It is that simple. The world spins fast....appreciate what you've got.

Katherine and Butter-Bean...we love you.


Monday, October 16, 2006

ART Walk in Hoboken

So yesterday Eddie and I ventured across the river (by Ferry) to Hoboken. It was the x-ity x Hoboken Art Walk. Apparently a lot of Artists live in Hoboken for the cheap rents and good spaces. This is what the ad said.

The ad lied. Apparently a lot of Artists live in Hoboken because they are so horrible they can't afford to live anywhere else. And these weren't bad Artists as in "I just don't understand how human urine pour'ed over a water color of Bible" bad, but more like "I have been doing the paint by numbers for 4 years now and I am so close to staying in the lines this time" bad.

We started at City Hall where a number of the Artists' children had set up spaces. No wait, these were actually the "Artists". Strike 1.

Und zo... we headed out in Hoboken, which is a really cute little gentrified 4 story brick village. It was nice. We ended up trying 2 galleries. The first was the "lonely man" photographer - you know. He travels alone, smokes - eats too much and takes artistic picture of London man-hole covers, close up's of rusty padlocks, a medium distance picture of a lonely sunset with part of the London Ferris wheel in the distance, but all un-populated. I hate these pictures - as a genre, although some were nice. Ed hated the fact that the temporary "space" was a holistic Chinese Tai Chi studio complete with the plink plunk 3-chord music that has you waiting for he owl screech. Strike 2

As you can imagine, we started to head back, but there was one more lonely sign and set of balloons up the road, so we went. Around the back of an old factory and into the upper reaches where an Argentinean guy worked absolute magic with steel and concrete. I mean this stuff was great. Not just for Hoboken, but great period. It was beautiful.

So we bought this really cool thing which will be delivered on Wednesday and I will post pictures. And then after 2 horrible restaurant strike-outs (1 hour wait to sit in Strike 1 and half an hour sitting in one with no waitress)), we went to a little Mexican restaurant which was about the closest food to heaven I have had here. A taquito, really honest guacamole, chicken enchilada and steak burrito. Heaven, I was in Heaven.

So close to missing it all after Strike 2.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Home Sweet Home

So Eddie and I went to dinner with a couple from my work tonight. It was very nice. I had a good time and a good dinner. The haven't been in New York very long either. They have been here since about May from Hungary (her last posting).

It was a nice Italian diner.

It is fun in New York that we actually go out with new people and do different things. Last night Eddie took me on a date to a GREAT South American restuarant (where I drank too many Pisco Sours and got a hang-over).

Then today Wisconsin won and Eddie was happy.

UCLA did not win and I was not happy about that but I am moving on.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Ahhh.. so this is what people were worried about...

So everyone was worried I would have problems in New York. And to date I have had to giggle. I have been doing very well. I love the city. I love the food. Eddie and I are having a really good time and we are becoming closer.

I had to wonder why everyone was worried me here.

Ahh... today the answer becomes clear. I got up and it was a bright sunny day, and I walked the pup-ster for his morning walk. Trevor and I stepped outside and were smacked with some very very very cold air. You see, sunny should not mean cold! That is just wrong. Trevor, by the way, totally agrees with me on this.

I got back home and looked at the bathroom thermomiter (granted - should have started there). It was 40. Four Zero. And no one warned me. In LA it (rarey but sometimes) gets that low, but it takes weeks of really cold 49, then 48 then 45 degree nights. And they put some poor hispanic girl outside basically to say "Burr!!!!! It's cold. Put your dogs inside!!!!"

I watched the news here. And there are the cute little hispanic girls. No one said burr! No one said put your puppy inside. More to the point, no one said "Scott, you are going to freeze your ass off tomorrow morning. don't put on shorts and a sweatshirt. Bundle up dummy!"

I'll be better now.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Just FYI - We are fine

I got a couple of calls. Eddie and I are both fine and far away from the crash.

Okay, I know this is a little weird but...

Okay, let's review. Scott was born, raised and lived most of his life in LA. Right? So there are things I was used to.

When I took geography in high school was the first time I learned that it rains in the summer in most of the country (LA has a relatively rare weather pattern shared with Perth Australia, Santiago Chile, Capetown South Africa and the Mediterrian). If you grow up that way you assume every place is like that.

Then you get older and you realize that places are very different. And the little things are no longer strange. But... every now and then something really hits you.

Which brings me to fake knockers. In LA there is a plethora of fake knockers. Even the paper talks about how now girls get them as high school graduation presents. I did not realize how geogrraphically limited this really is. New York is NOT full of fake breasts. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of large breasted women here, but they are generally big. The skinny little thangs in New York have no boobs.

And the big ones here are real and jiggle. And!!!! And!!! You are not suppose to stare.

In LA, you'e encouraged to admire the handiwork. It's disconcerting. I got used to the crowds, the subways, the humidity, but this is almost too much to get my brain around.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Are you kidding me!

Here is the headline: Runaway Bride Sueing ex-Fiance for $500,000.

Well, at first one wants to laugh or cry, but it gets better. She wants 1/2 the house he bought with the rights to his story (without her lying, filing a flase police report and causing the world to look for mexican drugged kidnapper - there wouldn't be a story). That is $250,000.

I can almost say okay to this. My guess is that they were together and after she dumped him ... again but this time without a news camare following her.. she wants half the house.

The other $250,000. She said he abused her power of attourney, apparently by using it when she was kidnapped to get her back.

\pejortive word struck for the kiddies at home/

Argh!!! Ties!!!

I know that in this world, there are many more critical things than the Victorian Tourture Device known as a tie. I know Kim Jong Wacko blew up some radioactive whizgit. I know that George W. Bush, my preszident, is a lying sack of dog poop who would water board me for saying that if it gets back to him.

But for a moment let's talk about ME! I HATE TIES! I have to wear one to work EVERYDAY! Yes, I am suppose to wear them on Fridays too!

Damn Don Ameche. He was the last person who could pull off an ascot.

Well, I have to go back to work before I choke to death.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Trevor Goes to the Dog Park

There is a cool little Hell's Kitchen Dog Park. It's in the middle of the on and off ramps for the Lincoln Tunnel. So it is long and narrow, kind of loud, but lods of room to run.

And, well the people there are kind of "Birkenstock-y", but the dogs. Trevor LOVES playing with the other dogs. He runs and plays and runs and plays and then spends the rest of the day exhausted. This is nice for the day.

Friday, October 06, 2006

I see bad parallels...

On again I see problems ahead in Survivor. It's early to get rid of the cutest boys. Yesterday JP was voted out (he with the red X above him).

And what was the strike against the professional beach volleyball player, some girl said she wanted to be voted off and he agreed with her. True he did lay around camp a lot - but he's pretty. I want something to look at if I am working.

PS, there is also the cute girl who lays around for something hubba to look at, Parvati.

This has happened before when the cuties are voted off early. Survivor nearly lost me one season of ugh-o's. I think it prejudice against the hispanics. (JP was born in Manhattan Beach but apparently his grandparents were from Mexico). Or pretty hispanics. Or something.

But it is okay JP, you still have volleyball.